internal programming as parellel to computers: Thumbnails

Since infancy I have experienced constant running over of memories that really if paid attention to for to long would trigger lets say ‘anxiety’. The kind where your always trying to find something to squelch that feeling.

These are not memories in full or flashbacks but recalling now what they looked like, the best description I had come up with would be what we now call ‘thumbnails’ on a computer.
In what appears a dark backround there was always these ‘thumbnails’. They rotate very slowly on what I described always as a merry go round affect or as if they were on a Roledex but sideways..that is showing my age of 38 as before technology that is what was on peoples desks to store information. Thinking now in terms of computers which would not be a natural first choice to me but if I do so conshusly, I have seen a feature on iTunes where you can rotate the album covers (cover flow) that is somewhat similar. This is much slower and its much more space between ‘thumbnails’ and the space in which they are contained is much larger like a large black backround.
There are no words or letters just a picture representing what is within.

The earliest one must be from when I was 8 months old- I wont describe it but there is something within that gives me a time frame reference.
The other important one is something that remained unopened and I could never see memories or what was inside…it turned out to be the third and most difficult to beat level of suicide programming. It got activated in 2003. This act of activation does indeed resemble what would occur on a computer if you double clicked on a thumbnail: it ‘plays’ the contents out.

What is damaging over a lifetime and since infancy is that these memory containers run themselves over and over even daily so that the person is tortured constantly as usually the content within is unpleasant or the person is too young to deal with such things inside themselves.

Obviously programming is akin to a delacate operating system(s) and its disgusting the way the system just wants to damage a person to destroy the contents.
This is exactly what computer programmers used to do to years ago as my uncle knew somone who used to break down computers so as to rebuild them. I believe this is the real reason for the harassment, stalking and damaging of the survivor.


~ by onmc on December 21, 2009.

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