a strange experience/ a recovered memory

Had a disturbing experience out of Phoenix today on the way through Tucson and through AZ.

Was sleepy and laid down. The vehicle was moving and I felt cold. It was not the same feeling as in the past occasionally experienced being paralyzed during some sort of similar experience.
It was as if all of my body was devoid of life energy, that kind of cold where your body just feels devoid of heat of warmth. Usually when I feel that way I used to get into the tub of hot water or a hot shower.

I then felt..one dimensional. That is the best way to describe it.
Anyway I ended up having an experience where I an angelic like presence was felt, a very female presence. More of the same: promised security, happiness, safety along with mild and gentle slight sexual stumulation –if only I wud forget about what happened, not write my book, conform and become docile and obedient.
I then felt a focus on a spot in the spine- upper small of my back. This has been an area that has figured prominently for years.. Its a spot on my spine that always responded to stimulation of the area with interesting results.
I tried to fight this but it worked only minimally.

After a time of this experience it switched to going through a memory that is very old. Its from when I was a child. All I can recall is a little boy strapped to a sort of machine in a hospital, sort of like the kind where one has to be put into traction for a long time due to eihter burns over a large part of the body or traction due to casts from broken bones. A small boy. But he didnt have burns or broken bones. There was family or alot of people around him in this hospital area. Some were just there talking and others were looking at him,. Another boy older and taller come over and put something in his back some sort of thing that looked like the tool one uses to push out caulking to fill while tiling. But this had a round cylidrical thing at the end and in it was this big fat needle. The older boy put the cylinder up to the boys back and pushed on the lever so obviously the needle went in,. I recall it had something to do with giving him a spinal or something to do with the spine. What was shocking about this memory is the fact it was not medical staff but a mere child administering this to a toddler. Also the older boy had no shirt on. And he did it very coldly and aggressivley but much like an adult where it needed to be done, The toddler had only something covering his genital area and he was tied to this suspention mechanism with his back towards my view but it was a three quartert view so i could see his face partially. The adults did not seem to care. Almost none of them paid attention to the older boy administering this needle to his back.

That memory is one I recall from childhood that went dormant. I do not recall any other details. It could have been on TV for all I know but it may be doubtful. it wud have to have been somehtinjg on tv in the 70’s . I recall the feelings I signatured onto that memory were ones of shock and helplessness, of feeling small.
I now have much relief after going through that memory.
This is why people who have nissing time from their memory or cannot recall memory from a certain age or before a certain age should go through thier memories or get hypnosis to recover them and go through them. Without this all the trauma stored in the files attached to the memory stays and cannot be released.
In the worst case this is part of the sorrow and emotional pain and anguish as well as mental torture on a subconshus level that, along with the new trauma the gang stalking system adds due to terrorizing the survivor when targeted, eventually ruins thier health, takes thier youth, expends thier energy ( it takes alot to compartmentalize an overload on top of what is already being compartmentalized from childhood or youth) and eventually drives them to suicide.

If memories were gone through and faced they can be registered by the mind as just memories. They lose all thier power. The organized stalking and harassment system only serves to lock memories into the perons filing system and all the emotional signatures as well. If the survivor is targeted and harassed, terrorized then that will only add to the workload the person is already carrying and of course the main purpose of the harassment is to either serve as distraction from getting therapy and going through memories or, by various methods, actually erase memories so the survivor cannot re experience them, especially in a supportive environment with a trusted therapist or other.

After that experience I began to ‘thaw’ or feel as if my body was once again not cold and was now full of life. I no longer felt one dimensional but could sense the space around me and my body in three dimensions. You have to understand that on my vocatonal testing dancer came up as number one and also I am a good art model or life drawing model due to my very good “body sense” which is the ability to have a good idea of where my body is positioned and what it probably looks like in that position. My sense of my physical being is very pronounced.

When I was a child I had another experience like this where I had a sense that a needle was given to me and there was some activity, then I awoke feeling ‘frozen’ or all over paralyzed in my bed and I had to slowly thaw out.

Being paralyzed as well as the similarities to what goes on when surgery is done in a hospital to a patient is very interesting to consider.


~ by onmc on January 6, 2010.

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