A forward to my next post

I often write on my computer with no internet as my card is broken and also to avoid hacking.  I then just cut and paste.

When not writing logged into a certain blog I tend to go off in a direction that is not strictly pertaining to one blog.  Its bad becuz then I dont know where to post it.  The up side is that I end up writing about or recalling things I wouldnt normally due to the lack of constriant.
Having trouble lately in San Diego. I was naive to think that such a military town would be peaceful. It seems in military places either I am helped a great deal while still feeling creeped out by the interference in my life or I am harassed so badly that I cant even stand at a bus stop for 5 min let alone find someplace to get any peace. Also I should have been suspect of how there seemed to be suggestion in my chosen destinations: Corpus Christi/ San Diego. Over and over these seemed my only two options. I have been getting ideation lately to get out of San Diego as it is going to beat me down or stifle me as a traveler or get in the way of my writing..I heed this due to past experience with this strange guidance system, which usually hardly makes sense as one looks into the future and tries to see how such suggestions could be feasible at all, but never can on see clearly. And it always ends up making sense later- the suggestion to take a particular action.
Its akin to taking a sentence or clip of a film out of context and it not making sense, only to make perfect sense when all the future surrounding circumstances are made available. It does make on feel rather helpless in ones own life, like a mere marionette puppet. Often people who have this guidance system will go against it just to stop being right about thier future. It gets boring. Well , that is what I used to say, now with whatever it is since 2003 or so that is jamming that guidance system I dont avoid good advice out of rebelliousness, I genuinely cannot get a reading anymore. Most good advice that would be beneficial to me is jammed, by something that only misdirects me into situations that make my life worse or even seem to be geared to more health deterioration or even ending my life. Not knowing what the right thing to do is anymore is very very confusing.

I wrote the following post at a big place where the homeless frequent in San Diego. Since this morning I seem to be getting alot of stalking not so much harassment. Since yesterday really but it wasnt so bad. In my short experience San Diego at first seems harmless but here a while one gets different ‘influences’ in different sections of the city. It was OK until like yesterday. I notice that if the homeless go outside a certain area, that there is harassment as if to corral this population back into skid row area. I also note what seems like remote influence that is based on alot of emotional changes in San Diego. I have never been to a place where manipulating of the human emotions was thier key way of controlling human population. When out of skid row area in the nicer part of town I tend to strat feeling very badly about my situation and about myself. So much so that returning to the library area where many homeless stay, gives me a sense of relief and comfort. Going the skid row area where St Vincent de Paul is tends to give me ideations that my life is worthless and the stigma of homelessness seems to become real to me..a sure sign that there is outside influence. I have been traveling long enough and observing long enough to know what I am writing about here. The only reason I myself never believed I was mentally ill was the harassment in person matching the definition of psychological warfare, the timing when this all started (federal investigation with me as someone that might have naively given info out, deprogramming and experiencing suicide programming, betrayal and outright lying by family members and other intimates/associates) as well as the fact that its all based on physical LOCATION on a map, if you will. As my location changes I experience changes within me and my perceptions, these changes are exactly the same as I return to the exact locations. THAT is what what would make it something based on physical location. Also I do not have a support system and am basically kept isolated by the gang stalking system. This is typical of human experimentation historically. Even though the radiation experiments were played up and the rest of MK Ultra played down- the remaining files destroyed and key people close to the projects having died (suicide, accident) there is no real documentation as to what the connecting projects were about. As witnesses come forward they are either discredited, die(suicide/accident) or more outrageous- are simly just ignored. The public can only take so much of the reality of human horrors and due to this not being done to an enemy during war but to countrymen, they can deal with the subject matter even less. Whatever the power structure wants it gets and this time of a police state and terrorism as an excuse is the PERFECT time to demand citizen silence on anything the authority figures want pushed through. Its no longer about cover ups as there are to many cameras and the internet. People are savvy. So its down to total intimidation of anyone with any human decency or turning people ‘off’ by overwhelming them and desensitizing them. There are always those that will outright just give in to get something in return, and when people are pressured- that number increases.

If I told you the horrors of what I have seen being done utilizing public space no one would believe me. You dont need a lab and guinea pigs anymore.
I used to think like other smart people that see through the bs alot, that Reagan closed all the institutions and crack cocaine came around, just to set the stage for Now. The human cesspool known as the homeless scene is the perfect place to dump the bodies of those who are inconvenient..like me for instance. And this mess one could theorize has been created for just this time frame, as many TIs who were only mildy targeted for years felt the hammer fall in 2003 until Obama now with stalking and harassment to maintain the damage done during Bush or for many of us, to continue what is obviously a behavior mod (brainwashing) program.

But as I think about human experimentation and about its history along with the use of people already in institutions..plus what I have seen out in public spaces being utilized- I now realize that it could be the reason to get so many TIs homeless as well as to release the institutionalized might just be to see if populations can be managed using a system that UTILIZES PUBLIC SPACE. I dont know why I didnt see it that way before. Its hard to formulate theories when you are PTSDing your ass off most days, and trying to maintain your story through memories so that it can be told…perhaps the only way to fight this system is for people to see how it works. Becuz the more they do for you for your own good, without official disclosure and the public gives the go ahead just be beingh silent..the less that this system can be fought legally or even overtly. Having a map drawn might just be the only way for each individual to get through the terrain.

In my next post I will paste my work from earlier today. Before I do so I know I have readers who understand me and there will be those that do not. I was a person very into self improvement not out of concious Will but by nature. I had my issues with race due to being from the Boston. If you are not from there then you know as much about our racial tensions as you can say you do about Palestine and Isreal, maybe less. The northeast likes to hide its dirt and cover with being the pillar of decency and intellect via Harvard, MIT, Childrens Hospital, Catholicism, Judaism and old Money. Boston has an underbelly that many outsiders are surprised at. Ask any old southerner and they will tell you what no Yankee wants to hear- the north survived hundreds of years by being sneaky about slavery and expoloitation. The north wears a face of tolerance and decency but if you mess with any part of the power structure you will see how nasty they can be. The aforementioned places are about POWER and that is all, now I realize. Whatever gets in thier way they will crush ruthlessly and heartlessly. In fact that is the whole of the US at this point. Boston’s race issues are improving but for those of us from the 70’s it needed some real therapy to close those wounds. There was no programs back then trying to help ghetto kids into the future..our future was written out for us plainly in the concrete: You are born here and You will die here, no one outside the ghetto wants to know about you. We sweep you under the carpet. In the 90’s that sentiment was expressed through urban music alot of whites raised in the city could relate to. Alot of artists from that time seemed to be working on a new and better world and healing that old way of thinking. As everybody my age recalls, the system shut us down, over time through the mid 90’s and what seemed abruptly after Bush was elected. Many Gen xers feel that there was something very positive happening and Bush just brought us towards fascism. When I hear music from my youth its like a return to reality as well as a reminder how my life has been taken from me. How I was never allowed to grow into the person I could have been. This is why so many people feel that we now live in “an alternate reality” or “down the rabbit hole” or the Orwell book 1984. It is surreal when you are being abused as a nation and everyone is told they cant say anything or they arent patriots and you have all these handlers smiling like its OK to brainwash you into thinking..”Its OK”. Hey welcome to gang stalking cuz that is about what it is like. The complete and total insanity of all this is just too much and people just snap into some place safe. This is what its meant to do.

Its also a great cover for some of the worst human rights abuses in history and this time becuz the authority figure has Americans wondering if they even have a future as a country or as a planet, no one is even sure if it will make the history books or if this is the end of history itself. As southerners put it, they are “putting the fear of God” into you. Its probably from their slave owning days and its a sound way to scare people into behaving as well as not questioning authority.

This is also a time where due to such gross abuses one has to delve deep into themselves as well as into thier DNA. This is one place you can go where you cant be intimidated. Your ancestors did not survive by being sheep and if they did, they are BACK IN EUROPE putting up with whatever oppressive bullshit over thier kept thier ancestors there, happy to comply with bullshit. If you/your ancestors are Euro expats then you can be sure you have some DNA somewhere that does not deal well with being satisfied under unsatisfactory conditoins. It does not surprise me that many people who were more savvy left when Bush got elected. Thier ancestors probably left Europe during the election of some dictator over their as well.

I was reading a book in this library yesterday. I hung my head over it and almost cried. It was Ford’s presidency and I recall his face being the first president I ever saw seeming very big on the TV screen. As I looked I realized how uninformed I was..there was G. Bush senior head of CIA, Kissinger Secretary of State, Rumsfeld and Chenney. I felt so stupid…no wonder people old enough to rememer Nixon were leaving the US. Mind controlled slaves are kept from knowing how much of anything works in the real world so its easier under circumstances like these to get rid of them. If I was savvy at all I would have looked at this particular line up and said “oops, time to go”. Now its too late and I am writing essentially what will probably be the new version of Ann Frank’s diary.

I always wanted to improve on my own imperfections even if these had been formed by a life beyond my control. It seems the system would rather have me become a bitter racist than to get a degree in councilling and start groups for people with race issues to try to build true understanding and promote geniune healing. Its better to have a racial cold war and have citizens behave due to enforced political correctness than to build trust between people. This is the best bet for social control as it keeps people seperated and still provides a harmonious ‘civilized’ society. A well behaved society that doesnt believe in anything or anyone besides what the state dictates as rule, law and ettiquette. Gen X, for all its making fun of our parents’ annoying hippie bs, thier self indulgence and finally thier 80’s sell out, we geniunely wanted to continue thier dream and we knew that we could do it more sensibly as well as having a handle on technology which seemed to frighten and confuse alot of boomers. The system for all its ignoring of Gen X, is deathly afraid of the kids of The Kids. They know that with old age we will not regress to June and Ward but to Black Sabbath and Hendrix and dreams of peace…and the militancy that goes with keeping that alive. If anyone could be called terrorists literally it was our parents generation. We were raised from infancy to not trust anyone in a suit or cops. The man, the system. Gen X realized with changing time this was not so much true anymore as corporations became more powerful than govt and it seemed everything was privatized and sold off. Its laughable after seeing that, that the war was marketed on America being like it was in the 50s or something..fighting for ‘our’ country, that we had so willingly sold out to everyone from Arabs to the Japanese over the 70’s and 80’s, and sending so many jobs to Mexico or China. Its amazing what marketing people, PR people and artists can do to get humans to percieve anything as reality. Amazing.
So for me to be even accused of rasicm is ridiculous. But that is what smear is about and it was great for them that I only had enemies as lovers, friends and family. What was great for ME is that my programming kept me silent, always seeing what the oppressor was doing to make me into this character that anyone who did know me well knew was not me at all. I took a secret pleasure in watching the system try to create this monster and people not going for it or even stepping in on my behalf–obviously. I couldnt speak for myself, I didnt have a forum or a voice also the gang stalking was so prevelant I was kept very busy with that every day.

I have however over time in order survive become bitter as well as hardened to certain things. There is a creepy thing going on with alot of African Americans, from apparently thinking they are better than other races, to outright aggressive destruction of whites. The gangsta mentality has been quieted and now there is the campaign to go legit with a childish attempt at hiding what every other unwelcome struggling culture has done in the US after making thier bones here through organized crime. So blacks today are not the civil rights blacks I recall nor the good natured party hardy 70’s urban dwellers, satisfied at being survivors going dancing and smoking herb. Its about monenetary gain now in a very serious way and I feel that getting Obama in was one of the goals that they would do anything to accomplish. This is why some of us may have to change our opinions of blacks. Maybe thats just in the east where its impossible to be white and poor now unless you get in with the blacks and thier serious efforts at..whatever they are up to now. To THEM its probably a well deserved getting of true equality. To those of us that saw them as allies against the same white male oppressor in the outiside world its like another betrayal. Good and fine with me. This is where blacks themselves perhaps, should consider thier own racism. There are upper middle class whites and then there are your white counter parts in the street life. Demanding that these ‘brother’ or sister whites stop being proud of thier own race and act like blacks nowadays is too much to ask and indicates that you no longer seek to share the street or mind your own side of it, it indicates you wish to wipe us out and take over and impregnate every white woman who looks poor enough and stupid enough. Also the lack of alliance within poverty now indicates that blacks no longer wish to fight the same enemy. These are the two changes that have been coming since the 90’s ended basically. There are many blacks that are satisfied to be nice to whites in poverty out here and it really depends on the state or city you are in as to how that is going to pan out.

My personaly experience has been so hurtful, so tragic and so overbearing that I have had little choice but to disregard most people who are African Americans especially in the south and the east. In California it seems more mello. There is an equal amount of all kinds of people in on gang stalking when and if it does occur. But I have in the past as a target experienced the greatest cruelty and total disregard for human life from African Americans invovled in this campaign. The sheer sadism within thier culture is enough to disregard THEM as human beings worth speaking to, looking at or acknowledging. I have returned to using the N word as I please mostly to aggressive men who are too great in number in every city across the US that think that I am going to give them attention just becuz I am white and poor. I have absolutley no problem with a race war and becoming very protective of my European DNA. And if you want to know what most EASTERN European people feel about races outside their own, try talking to Jews or Isrealis about what Polish Jewish mothers are like when thier children try to marry Jews outside Eastern European extraction. You cannnot torture somone with pre-existing racial truama, using very racist blacks and then act surprised when the person verges on becoming an advocate of white power. The only reason I have not done this, other than what little humanity is left in me that tries to hang onto logic and balance…and sanity is that I am still smart enough to remember that one of the tactics of the gang stalking system is to drive the Target into extremist movements to label them further or finally get rid of them altogether. I saw it being used in action when the likes of the infamous Bill O’Rielly stated after a story about someone who got shot and obviously he was trying to validate it on behalf of the system –RIGHT at the end before commercial he holds his papers in his hands, stacks them on the table with both hands and says “And he was associated with many extremist movements anyway”. G-R-E-A-T “journalism”. I think it was a doctor who performed abortions his clinic got blown up or he was shot. Doesnt anyone see that this is such a bullshit con to validate violence towards someone? If the likes of O’Reilly is pulling something like that, I would definelty keep an eye on such tactics. I have heard perps on a bus in Phoenix try that same shit, recently actually. Always talking about “extremism”…I guess me being mentally ill didnt work and entrapment didnt work so now theres always validating wiping me out of existence due to me being an extremist. I was in my apartement painting, reading and learining Fung Shui, planning to go to school and trying to get my therapist to work on a way to extract all that stuck talent out of me to bring it into the world productively instead of it constantly being utilized for coping skills against old traumas. WHERE IS THE EXTREMISM? Julie my old associate is more connected to ‘extremists’ if you will, than I ever will be. So WTF? More mind games more blaming and shaming.
Its all to see what the Targets breaking point is, in typical Tavistock institute fashion. Every one knows it but becuz I can do damage to so many beautiful, fine people who can PAY OFF THE SYSTEM and pay taxes on property or have assets (they ‘matter’) no one is going to do anything about this. And according to thier totally insane point of view a living behavior modified deprogrammed survivor is better than a deprogrammed dead one due to suicide programming. The thing that is interesting is that I wonder would I have deprogrammed at all if it were not for the brain damage due to 3 years of mold exposure and heavy gang stalking/targeting? That will always be the biggest crime to me…if indeed deprogramming was INDUCED just to see if someone like me could be behavior modified. Death would have been preferable, especially if I dont get to produce the book. Then it would definately be a waste of my time in this body on this plane.

I am still curious, the hurt and naive part of me is still curious as to why those certain blacks were so cruel. We are talking a large network and they acted like I personally hurt their families or something. It almost resembled vendetta level satsifaction it looked like they were getting out of this.

Every TI will tell you that there is something distinctly unatural about the way perps act towards the TI. Something psychotic and insane..unbalanced. Sinistger. They actually look like they are a collective in evil thought and execution of that thought. And the amount of personal hatred for the TI does not make anysense according to logic. This is one group of people who, when you try to figure them out by imagining yourself as them or taking the same actions it cannot be done as it makes no sense. One cannot even map out thier actions as thier motive is not evident. The bonding of the group is what makes no sense in normal human terms. Just as I was leaving two employees of Woods Mullen, an older black lady named Margaret and this newer younger white guy with black hair, who very new…they both looked at me at the same time and the same way. It was definetely personal and it was going right into my eyes like it was personal. What was eeriee was the way that their eyes had the same look. It was ultimate feelings of superiority mixed with hatred that is only reserved for someone who you really hate with a good reason. For TWO people to have that look on thier face at the same time, with this conspirator feel to it, silently, is NOT normal considering the way I have been victimized by the system. Woods Mullen had the most amount of people working there that seemed in on the campaign in a VERY covert way. These were not dumbasses trying to get into a gang or dudes right out of jail. Pine St and Woods Mullen were very infiltrated. I never got fair treatment at either of those places Pine St moreso. Whatever level they are in on this to, its amazing that seeming nobodies can have that much power as well as knowledge of what is going on in covert warfare.

My next post is what I wrote earlier today. I will never detract my statements of what I remember happening to me and I will never apologize for anything I post unless I feel that is was a valid error and a detriment to my ultimate goal of informing people. If you dont like it go read something that allows you to believe the American dream (lie) that the world is a good place and PC is working to make the world peaceful for everyone.You can afford to sit at home enjoying the dream which seems to be bought by others having to live a nightmare.

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~ by onmc on January 28, 2010.

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