San Diego sapping inspiration/memories of torture during the last administration

I need to get out of San Diego as soon as I can. The homeless here are typical street homeless and I havent seen any travelers.

I was doing very badly today, except I didnt realize it until 3 kids sat down at St Vincent’s and one of them pulled out his guitar , began to play. No shame, no hesitation no fear. This is the ballsiness mixed with calm comfort with self and life style that I miss about being with traveling people. The only problem is that thier laziness and love of pot starts to annoy me after a while. Thier good for traveling as the USA doesnt dare try to shove the ‘homebum’ shame/guilt/fear vilifying trip on them but they are not exactly who you want to be around if you are trying to write an expose or novel that rich powerful people dont want written. Telling ones life story is always a labor and its too emotional to be around people whos attitude stems from not caring about anything or holding onto anything in particular. ‘Hippies’ can also have a very nasty and unpredictable aggressive side that I never have gotten used to.

Homeless people in the city more often possess the kind of drive that it takes to do what I am attempting to do. But they are not free spirited, tend to be a bit dim and dress like sh*t. Also they are firmly in the grip of the city’s shame game- the economic warfare and general war on the poor.

The kids that sat down were young. I asked hoping they were maybe 30 but no..20. Due to the fact that I have no monetary value I dont feel comfortable with the predatory older woman role. Something I would probably be into if I had a house and money. It would be fun, finally being able to be that irresponsible and fun. People think someone like me has been irresponsible thier whole lives but this isnt true. It was always about being a workaholic or not knowing how to get out of a lifestyle trap. The shame is when the system comes after someone like me just as they are getting I am getting my life together and the potential to enjoy life as well as be productive is within reach. Its a perversity of the gang stalking system and ritual abuse to take this true freedom away from its victims. The most important thing it seems for the system is to make sure that a deprogramming survivor/slave NEVER enjoys freedom. In fact the common trick has been pulled on me, as to make the big world and being free seem so frightening, so intimidating and living in it so impossible that I should want to run back to slavery OF MY OWN WILL. This is what was meant when that fat b*tch in Woods Mullen leaned into me as we were talking about prostitution being run out of Pine St Inn and organized crime’s involvement in it, glared at me and said “And some people cant get out of it”.

And this is so laughable considering that alot of the gang stalking was done UNDER THE GUISE OF KEEPING ME AWAY FROM PROSTITUTION AND DRUGS. I am going to personally make mince meat out of Boston, the cops and anyone else who thought they were smart enough to either lie to the public to get me harassed or were TOO STUPID TO REALIZE THEY WERE BEING USED AS CAUSE STALKERS FOR THE SYSTEM TO GET RID OF A SURVIVOR OF HIGH LEVEL PROGRAMMING.
I recall a lowly bus driver in Boston said “Just stay away from the drugs this time”  ..this was honestly the excuse that was used to let Olnick break federal laws and HUD as well. This was their excuse for intimidating me…and I am never going to let that city live it down or am I going to forgive until thier is enough blood to satisfy me. The very fact that I was NOT on drugs while at 335 Washington st, the very fact that I can give HAIR FOLLICLE TESTING TO PROVE THAT as I believe that hair follicles provide a time line of drug use. I will also take a lie detector test…its a frame up and its bullshit. It was some ill conceived plot to make my eccentricity (coping skills developed to deal with trauma, programming and being harassed like I was as well as abandoned) as well as circumstantial bullsh*t make me appear guilty of …some things that I still am not sure of. The problem with all this is that the deprogramming slave is so deep within thier own mind, so within the cocoon and in transition, memories coming up from a childhood compartmentalized for a lifetime, the person has no idea really what is going on on the outside. Its laughable to try to frame up someone who has no idea what the plot is. I think that these morons just thought I was stupid or something and not programmed, and definitely protected by a faction that makes petty black gang bs and cheap bribed Boston cops look simple. I just didnt get what they were trying to do. It didnt make any sense when some bitch at Pine St would drop a hint about “going in and out of the drug dealers house”…I  say to myself “I know this is gas lighting and I know its part of a frame up..but what the f*ck is she talking about?”  What Jake my ex the drug dealer? Uh, yeah, I am going in and out of his parents house cuz we went out for 4 years and we were screwing our brains out in the attic apartment so yes, I am seen with this drug dealer (who I never considered a drug dealer, it was something he did to get by for his music, I only saw him deal a few times he was smart he kept me out of his business. I only know that he got his weed from some punk rock sniveling kid in black how lived around the corner in Newton, they used his studio or something, and Orlando his manager, was the one giving him morphine and Valium, which I never appreciated because it made his nightly Tequila drinking more boosy and being raised around bands for a bit as a child, not dreaming a bout it in the suburbs like alot of the scene kids in Allston etc, I was afraid of the very real possibility of waking up to a dead body, the infamous ‘choke on your own barf in your sleep’ due to pills mixed with boose.  When he got busted the second time, he had gotten all kinds of pills from this woman with a boyfriend with cancer who had died. He promised her he wouldnt sell them too and he had told me he got rid of them. She was a pot customer of his and due her boyfriend dying she had to move out of the nice house in Newton into public housing in Cambridge. Broke her back or something so she was always in pain.
These kids that were living out rock dreams made me mad sometimes as the reality of this lifestyle was alot more dangerous than glamorous. I recall the 70’s as a little kid was so hung up on destruction and killing yourself so you could claim to be a ‘survivor’ (which was stupid) the hardcore glamour addicts were wearing dog tags like the returning soldiers so that when they were found ODd they could be identified. In some ways our society has gone way too far in the other direction, where the new self torture is fear, intimidation and a police state. I dont know which is worse but Americans always find some way to keep themselves down and let ‘the man’ run thier life. THAT is the problem..not drugs, not mental health, not terrorism. Americans just cant be free. There always has to some drama, some delicious self pity and sympathy that is thier excuse keeping them from simply a good life. THIS is what everyone hates about America. My countrymen seem to enjoy masochistic slavery to authority and reaching for the good life than actually having it. America is fundamentally criminal and insane. Only if you have a trail of bodies behind you or stepped on someone have you ‘made it’ and have the good life. The people I get along with best in my country are citizens who simply worked hard and got thier lifestyle from that. Not politics or crime or bullshit or living out cultural fantasies. Truckers are among those people, generally these types are nowadays very hard to find, as your average citizen is either fancies himself a politician or a gangster or is satisfied with being a Jerry Springer indulging  drama queen loser.)

OK then there is Douglas who seems to have been the focus of the federal investigation, who none of us knew what he did for a living and he was my friend’s friend really, not mine and I only knew him from a few parties and then NA meetings. If they are referring to me going into the building he lived in, there is a whole other reason I was doing that and that reason lives on another floor and I am not going to get into it but it had little to do with drugs.

Sooo I am confused…what drug dealer are we talking about? Again its laughable due to the fact that Jake and Julie would know more about local drug dealers than I ever would. (During the attempted frame up while I was still living at 335 Washington the girlfriend of one of Jake’s guitarists, a blonde kid from Watertown that I knew from Backstage Video where I used to mind a video store, this girlfriend of his was working the CVS pharmacy one day when mysteriously exactly half of my anti anxiety capsules, some sedative, went missing out of the bottle I recieved from her at the pharmacy.   I always suspected they tried to sell them and say I either gave them to Jake or that I had sold them.  It was like the dumbest frame up…Scott called Jake and Drew “stupid” and I always wondered just what they had done to earn the disrespect of actual grown up cons who didnt have a local politician (jake) and the Middle East rock clubs lawyer (Drew Shadawray) as their daddy’s.)  

What pisses me off the most is that all this is a cover to get the survivor harassed and is really about MK Ultra methods of interrogation, specifically tailored to programmed people (why would you need to go to such lengths when interrogation or torture would do?) and behavior modification to keep your asset quiet. I had jerks saying things like “shes trained” as in talking about me being able to withstand all this and not go running to cops or feds blabbing about some plot. And I also recall that many of the harassment groups were largely African American for some reason, and I recall being amused that when they would test me (in unsophisticated childish ways) they were suprised at my abilities and other results of bloodline choice and programming at the same time I was horrified that a group of novices would be allowed to get their hands on me to begin with. I was like handing a delicate piece of equipment to aggressive, naive children and they dont understand they are breaking it as they take it apart. It was and is the most unforgivable thing I ever had to endure in this country and I will not rest until it is avenged.

I start to think either black gangs in the military, children of COINTELPRO operatives or worse- Prince Hall trying desperately to get a hold of some cred and power via digging into some genuine Rosicrucian or Masonic materials. Prince Hall needs to stick to looking to the bloodlines and other ways that the ancient orders continues thier silent presence on this planet and has for centuries. Whatever they were doing I highly suggest they stick to Voodoo like they use in Africa to mess with elections. Egypt is not west Africa and its not the same culture at all. Mess with ancient Egypt and you will see, if you have not already, what it does when you mess with Pharaoh’s slaves or Ra’s people. I think there has been enough ‘accidents’ and deaths under strange circumstances for people to learn their lesson. But I personally am not satisfied. I really want to know how blacks are publically whining about their position as ‘minorities’ yet they seemed to be in large numbers in covert activities, often constituting severe life altering torture. In fact, one could say that I am not only curious, but want revenge. No one should have that much power in the USA and if that is the way the power structure really works then I should have definetly gone to a racist European country long ago. The prospect that is introduced by my experience, the idea that African Americans run the USA through criminal activity as well as extremely cruel covert activity is life shattering and very unattractive. Either that or covert agencies hire them on purpose due to their tendency towards cruelty without conscience, violence as part of daily life and cold hearted greed as part of their nature. And also the genius of hiding in plain sight. If someone like me is discredited already the thing that would seal that fate forever would be an ultimately paranoid claim that ‘blacks were out to get me’. Its perfect. Because deep down whites are so racist that they do not want to believe that blacks are capable of sophisticated covert warfare, they prefer the victim roles for black.
Believe it. I have seen for years black tricks of hand, like the southern habit of acting like a dummy when threatened so as not to be a threat to the massa. I would not know that trick unless I had two WHITE southerners in my family who also pulled the same thing often, and Yankees fall for that shit too. And believe it that blacks know that too. Once I realized that Boston blacks treated my southern relatives alot different (with manners I never knew they had) when dealing with them I asked about it and they said they KNEW they were from the south and did not play fool games like they do to Yankees. I started to see the reality of blacks playing stupid as they had learned down south. I also saw many of them in my twenties taking advantage of living in the ghetto and being successful criminals while playing poor to onlookers. AFRICAN AMERICANS ARE NOT STUPID. Its an extension of the slave owner mentality for you to think that they are. Italians would never be that naive, as we were never slave owners and America still treats us like we are all criminals anyway…probably becuz the WASPS want to own those pillars and archways, those statues and ruins, that golden mean. The greatness of Ancient Rome is for history books and the brilliant artists are in museums. To keep Italians down is to separate us from our brilliant and conquering past. Secretly we all know who we are and they cannot take this away from us…we are also not naive about our ancient neighbors to the south- Africa. Let the whiter people believe black con artists.

I am not saying that blacks are not kept down or underprivileged or every black is bad, but I am not going to excuse a crime just for an entire race. The reality is that alot of blacks that are MORE kindhearted or spiritual or sympathetic to their fellow man are kept down or treated badly, by their own people as well as the system. The ‘blacks’ I encountered while being harassed and tortured throughout the Bush administration could not be described as spiritual or sympathetic, nor did they seem to lack funds. They behaved beyond any concept of evil. What burns my ass about blacks in crime is that they are clowns when doing it. And they are too flashy and they rub it in, the cruelty they are inflicting. This essentially black male ego trip is the very thing that creates Vendetta and keeps it alive in someone like me. All Italians I dealt with that were fucking me over had the decency to act businesslike about it and had a bit of reverence for ‘the dead’ as they knew they were destroying a human life, basically of someone who did not deserve it in proportion to the other people involved. They had some dignity in thier killing of a human life and spirit. The blacks I recall, mostly male, would high five, power trip by saying “She looks scared” and shit like that, as well as laughing..LAUGHING like at a party about extremely f*cked up covert torture being done to the target. I have posted that in Memphis TN a bus load of blacks that had targeted me at the Greyhound station, one of the girls (15 years old) felt guilty , prob because of her female nature, and her 16 year old perp boyfriend stopped her worrying by stating “Shes JUST a target”. I have seen what most people would call ‘evil’ via the gang stalking system. This is why Tis loose it and start thinking they are aliens or not human….becuz thier actions are totally psycho. And THAT is what makes society turn on TIs and the claims we make then appear as if we are the ones who are psychos.
I think its just easier for society to go against ONE victim who is obviously expendable in the eyes of the power structure, than it is to try to find and convict or condemn a whole network of severely cruel and violent criminals, who also seem to have the full blessings of the power structure..if not employed by them indirectly. It is also easy to continue to smear that one victim by calling them racist or paranoid concerning race issues.

Its a brilliant plan by the men at the top as no one is going to believe our most popular victims, former slaves, are a major covert powerhouse within the US. No one.

I have to also consider that a strong white female of certain European and Eastern European extraction that has the strength of high intelligence and artistic talent as well as a naturally athletic build is only going to be effectively beaten down by such aggressive male cruelty as criminally insane black males could provide. Only THEY have that much cruelty towards a white woman, only THEY have that much ignorance, thus no traditional or even hereditary fear, of certain European cultural strengths. Only THEY are angry enough about thier history within the US and abroad..to be that brutal.

I guess my original point was to say that I am glad the twenty somethings sat down near me as thier energy returned me to a state of creativity,thus this piece. I also enjoyed two of them being that blonde blue eyed specimen I enjoy looking at.there is a large amount of what looks like Nordic types who are homeless. I wonder about this. I just wonder if its some connection to being nomadic or rebellious..or perhaps seeking adventure through travel. They are so cute at 20 when they are trying to look severe.
There is not that much ‘big blonde boy’ DNA out here. And there are NO Italians I have seen. Thus the DNA pool of males I find desirable is lacking here and perhaps this has also made me more easily depressed and losing focus. I thought about it this morning actually..how I am getting pissed off in this very primitive way due solely to the population here in San Diego being appearing to be generally short or scrawny. Other than the Mexicans that are floating amidst the horrid skinny short white people, I see nothing romantic about San Diego, and I think the lack of Valentinos and Vikings is depressing. Its not ethnic enough nor multicultural enough…where are the Orthodox Jews, where are the Asians, where are the Italians, the Greeks, the Native Americans? At least San Fran has a China town. I guess I am used to the northeast where very ethnic people share very small spaces. I miss it really but the northeast has been raped and lobotomized by whatever is going on today, this new way of doing things, this sanitizing of human culture in some vague want of a perfect clean reality. I cant wait until the smell of pure bullshit makes its way into everyone’s world and they realize that in order to clean things one must face the dirt- corruption. Not cover it up.

I guess I need to go back to ABQ or El Paso..someplace strong in Mex and Native. Someplace where the real America can hide from PC bullshit. Where the cowboys still run and the ghosts of Natives reach out to me as I travel through thier ancient seats of power and war, touching me and telling me that what I am doing is right. Giving me power to go on, to never submit to the oppressor my spirituality, which we all have seen it seems they want most nowadays…thier little games to get you to surrender through psychological warfare your “heart and mind”.

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~ by onmc on January 28, 2010.

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