Hit hard lately in San Diego

Have been getting hit with something thats for sure and its at its worst between 12-4pm. I thought it was mere depression due to it being the sun’s height at this time of day and me being used to colder weather. Its just too damn hot here lately. 

But I suspected something else was going on between those hours…its the same as other places with whatever hits you being amplified by sun or heat.

It seems to lessen at about 4 pm and towards 4:30 even moreso. At 5 pm it is very much on the way to not being detectable. But during those hours its a living hell here.

And if you leave the city you can feel your head clear and all that (induced) docility goes away.

Today it was raining all day and wind. These idiots didnt build drains so the whole place floods like it would back home during a week long rain.

So the sun didnt have a factor today (but I suspect that last nights post did). I was getting walloped- heavy sexual stimulation with heavy heartedness (induced) and sorrow also felt false and inuced- unatural. All this was pulling very heavily on my Will and my mental state. I considered suicide very very seriously today, even really seeing how no one would miss me and if it mattered if I even existed sitting in the chair I was in right then and there. But each time I became serious about suicide, to acting on it (getting in front of a bus and such impulsive action as suggestion/ideation) it brought me closer to the idea of ‘conform instead’. Each pull down towards suicide or giving up, throwing my life away. quitting, giving in to sexual deviance…each time I was brought down by these things it seemed to bring me closer to conforming to society. It occured to me as an alternative to suicide or throwing my life away.

It was definately breaking me- one could tell as it was happening that is what was occuring and that was its purpose and finally the giving in to conforming.

I could feel my pride, individuality and sense of self slipping away. It being replaced with this souless, Self-less vessel who did as society told her to..I even pictured myself transforming into someone who dressed in professional clothes like skirts and such. If only I would give into society, not think so much and let the bigger structure of our society think for me..if only I would become part of that.

What the system wants I believe is to make is so painful to have a soul or a spirit or a self that one just lets it dissolve and takes on a zombie existence sort of.

One might be tempted to compare this to selling your soul or some satanic existence. But there is nothing ‘evil’ about it…there is only non existence- there is not even anything to be called ’emptiness’ due to thier being nothing to feel empty about. Its like a soul extraction.

Its can also be described as being made very small or reduced in size as a person…its creepy thats for sure.

Id rather give in to pure Evil than to feel non existent or to feel nothing.

If this isnt technology and the rest of the gang stalking system imitating that prison system I just posted about on ONGANGSTALKING, then its a hell of a parasite and its going to take over the planet or some sh*t. Imagine if it wasnt tech at all but some disease. I keep wondering if its parasitic disease. Some of those African strains are pretty nasty. They can control the host in ways you never imagined by releasing chemicals into the body.

Imagine if the system is using parasitic disease as the infultrater into the body and then using tech to control the infiltrating parasite. With the amount of wacked out human experimentation that has gone on and the powers that be doing anything sick ass to destroy and enemy or control a population one has to wonder what new lows they would go to just to get results.

I would not put anything past the bastards in charge of the country if not the world right now.

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~ by onmc on February 27, 2010.

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