Marriages, Births and Deaths

Survivors of cult mind control (complex brainwashing) as well as high level programming and every level in between may have a very hard time with events in life that most people celebrate or find perfectly normal.

To an a person who’s life has been influenced by such groups these things can be frightening or even repulsive. As well as having trouble with certain holidays, life events are going to be trying..if not lethal.

My friend just had a baby. I find I cannot visit to see the child. I actually have stopped calling her.
This will get a survivor thought of by others as callous, thoughtless or selfish. A part of the person often wants desperately to be part of others lives through such events. There are parts of programming or alters within that prevent this Will from being manifested in action within the outside world. It may also be that these things bring up memories that the survivor simply does not want to deal with. Rarely do we ever really remember directly..we just KNOW that something very unpleasant is connected to such events.

I have only been to two funerals and after the first experience of course I was determined to get back on the horse that bucked me and master whatever is was in my way. After the second one I realized it was just too much. Also wakes, services and burials make little sense to me. I touched my grandfather just to experience a dead body and really to make sure he was ‘dead’. I also had a fascination of perhaps a medical nature about how death worked and the decaying etc. Its a side to me that observes things and analyzes them without emotion or connnection to life. It was purely scientific it would best be described. I found the whole thing to be depressing and useless and very disrespectful. I dont know what culture my programming is connected to or why I feel this way but displaying the dead is just wrong. Also burial with preservatives and cement makes no sense either. Why hang around if yer not using the vessel anymore? Its so impractical. Green burial at least and burning seems much more efficient if not spiritual final. To be consumed, to become vapors-to be transformed into something else. Rotting seems so ugly.
The second funeral was much too like a ritual. It was a local infamous addict who finally bought it. The body was laying there and people were kneeling in front of it as they passed..I assume it was Catholic. All I noticed was this sediment within the body…all of the earthly life energy of the person-the things that make us animals or survive on earth, had settled somehow. Everything about the person that was light, creative or witty was gone.
Something about being able to ‘read’ a dead body was too much for me as well as the way it was laid out on this alter looking table. Allright had enough. Once again it made no sense to subject oneself to this again. It seems our society practices these behaviors and to be they seem like incomplete rituals-not acted out fully, not a beginning or an end to the actions surrounding the person or the event. I think THIS drove me to annoyance more than anything. It was like “ok what the hell are we doing here, what are we going to accomplish?” It was empty actions, like children who once lived in a civilization who once removed forgot its ways but still acted them out. Like that star Trek episode when they land on a desecrated planet full of slowly aging children who get this disease when they get older and die. Ways of the old civilization were half remembered and kept by children left alone in madness.
No more funerals..ever. I dont care how much it means to anyone. Most RA survivors have a big issue with death, fears of death as well as being trained to face death unafraid, if not programmed to BE death or represent death itself.

Birth is something I avoided even more than deaths or marriages. It has always made me very nervous. Frankly it makes me ill to think about it. I dont know how a woman can do such a thing. I have also in my lifetime been very discouraged from ever having children. Health issues made it impossible anyway.

Marriages as we all know are boring as hell to attend except for the celebration afterwards. Too much drama as well as listening to those vows is tedious. Couples usually get divorced anyway so whats the point? Its theatrics is what it is. A show. If I ever get married I refuse to put people through that unless the guy wants to for his own reasons. I will makes sure I am heavily medicated at any rate.
Many ritual abuse survivors have been put into spiritual marriages when very young, sort of a akin too first communion in Catholicism which is creepy in itself if taken literally. Since this religion has its ritual to ‘marry’ one to God then its natural for other belief systems to do so. Some use dieties and others use cult leaders who they consider their spiritual leader.
For people who have been through this weddings seem unclear in thier motive: why are you conducting this ritual so late in life and why are you ‘marrying’ a human male? If your have already been ‘married’ to the cult group or spiritual deity. In very strong programming cults, there will never be anyone to stand up to the original diety or representitive of. Often in suicide programming this diety is represented as father/husband and is the image that carries the person off to another place, which makes induced suicide more like oblivian and less painful. It is used to create a post hypnotic suggestion that is basicically a fantasy that when played out, should make suicide seem so unreal that the slave will go about it easily. It is played out internally and without the slave being able to tell anyone, thus no one may know that is what happened to the person.
These post hypnotic suggestions often can be stored for 30 years or more until they are released to run through, and they look just like thumbnails on modern computers and they become active in the same manner as one clicking on a thumbnail of a video on a modern pc to view what the thumbnail represents.
The thumbnail may run itself, almost daily, internally for years since its creation in the childs mind. This is part of many survivors urges to go out and find something outside themselves to make them feel normal, safe or at ease. You are not conshus of the thumbnails or programming sequences but as I recall they do drive one nuts at an emotional level. The trauma used to create such things is unpleasant though not directly remembered. It is activated to run its course usually when the survivor starts waking up and the gang stalking system is in full swing attacking the persona as a target. Time to go.
If a survivor looks at a white wedding dress they may feel unpleasant or even shun such a color and find a black one more favorable. Whats the point in white? Its totally foriegn to many survivors, the idea of this ritual or it even being realistic that they could ever be part of such a thing.
Also many cults can attack or chase off anyone who wants to get close to the person anyway. Like casrs coming out of nowhere running into a potential boyfriend. This also tends to make weddings seem unattractive.

The survivor has probably done the best they can and is not avoiding you on purpose and its not personal. Many survivors were programmed to be extremely practical people and commit to a task or work like machines without any question of failure. Failure equals destruction for many programmed people. Lite rituals or happy events in other peoples lives rarely make sense to RA survivors. They dont seem to have any weight, espeically when the families were mean to the person when they were alive but act so dear at a funeral or if a couple just gets divorced anyway. It seems ingenuine or like the ritual had no effect or true meaning. Since this registers as ‘failure’ it is rejected as failure is associated with death. You can see why someone like that might want to stay away.

Also for people who have had severe trauma in RA babies can be a touchy subject as I have read about people experiencing killing other children or having babies taken away and put to death etc. One may not ever recall exactly what occured but simply that they feel strange around births and babies, perhaps not even trusting themselves whichis ridiculous but its a way for internal alters to keep one trapped in being isolated.

Death may be the easiest for a survivor to deal with but really there is an urge to laugh at death or even to disrespect funerals. If RA survivors took the cycles of life and death so seriously they would have gone mad long ago due to thier unique experiences. As well as suicide-death, being so close everday.

Having to see others so happy when the survivors is not allowed such things is also very very hard and its not something people understand either. They just think the person is selfish which of course helps the perps, handlers and programmers in what they do.


~ by onmc on June 8, 2010.

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