Self Talk: Coping Skill For Trauma, Theraputic or Mental Illness?

Is self talk ‘normal’?

Survivors with certain types of high level programming are prone to fantasy addiction as well as other creative coping skills to preserve sanity through the years. Fantasy addiction is one of the things I have experienced as well as read from other survivors one of them semi high profile.

This may come along with self talk and it may not. There are special problems that survivors of programming have that take in depth therapy by a psychologist to sort out. The problem is that if the system of managing and silencing assets who are mind controlled (gang stalking) becomes very active against the person or if some other outside issue is at hand of a sensitive nature, then this eccentricity can be used to get the person watched or even coerced into a label.

Many people who have experienced far too much isolation or neglect and are by nature communicative will start to use this coping skill to keep themselves

I was often neglected or left on my own for hours. Part of my abusive upbringing as well as for purposes of programming was to make sure that I never paid attention to my own needs or that I was guilted for having needs. Basic human needs like being in pain or being left alone to fend for oneself. Also its well known that Gen X were left on our own without computers or other tech as kids have now, and we formed worlds in our imaginations to sooth ourselves. The single mother trend in the 70’s of poor often drug addicted mothers left us with very little stimuli. They didn’t have the social programs they do now. Kids don’t understand how poverty in the US was just accepted back then or was swept under the rug. People like Tupac expressed our situations perfectly. Sesame Street was not just a mother’s helper back then. It was one of the only things available to save us from this void we lived in and it seemed to sooth and please our stressed out, pot smoking moms who were often so unhappy by thier own right, that they let out on us. Social workers just turned a blind eye back then. It was enough to just start to let women know they didnt have to stay with abusive men like our grandmothers felt they had to. It was a start and often the details are missed when something takes off. Tupac expresses in the song Dear Mama that we loved our parents and we understood they were hurting too, from all they didn’t talk about but took drugs to cover, from growing up with fathers coming home half insane from WW 2 with PTSD that no one dealt with in that generation. Then they themselves were sent off the fight and often just police one of the nastiest guerrilla warfare wars that as Americans they had not been prepared for or warned about. They were addicted to heroin, exposed to Hep C and abuses by the military like agent orange and other chemicals. I wouldn’t put it past the military to do human experimentation off in those far off jungles. The movie Jacob’s Ladder had to come from somewhere.

My mother was often dealing with her own abuse issues by using sheer Germanic Will power to push through. For all of her assholedom she was the most strong Willed person in her family and she was also the most focus of abuse. She fought this system as long as she could valiantly.
If you were a kid in the 70’s you know how messed up and sad the Boomers were back then. After AIDS came about and Reagan came in they cleaned up their acts a bit and anyone who hadn’t died started to play catch up in thier 40’s.

However we were products of that time when we were small. Many of us retained are aloneness and our imaginations providing comfort. And for people who survive programming, our ability to be creative and think in abstract are the reasons we are chosen for programming to begin with. The only thing is that our imaginations were manipulated and controlled by Programmers not under our own Will.

I found an excellent article on fantasy addiction as well as self talk by a psychologist years ago when I was at the apartment in Brighton where the harassment started. I have posted that I was in a transition and it never could have occurred without my womb I had created in that place. For once in my life I had a seemingly safe place that was mine. For a while until all this happened. Its interesting the message that sends as well- for the worst wave of harassment in my life to come during such an occurrence: Don’t try to be safe, dont try to find yourself. Dont ask too many questions- don’t wake up. Don’t live under your own Will.

What survivors of RA and programming traumas need is psychologists not medications. In fact due to the nature of ritual abuse and programming, psych meds may make a survivor snap especially if the system is targeting them trying to get them to act out to die by cop or be jailed/ institutionalized.
There are so many programs in one mind, so much compartmentalized you never know unless you have experience just what is in there that could be triggered. It’s always best to let the survivor work with an experienced, honest therapist and tell THEM what is in there or what they feel needs to be done. The system does NOT want you to know that programmed people have the potential to become self programming under thie own Will, not the Luciferian systems within. This is nothing more than self healing. In fact they want you to believe that the person is not programmed at all but a dangerous mentally ill person. This is the purpose of psy ops, smear, cover stories etc. It is all to cover for RA/programming and human experimentation.

The suicide bomber may have similar suicide programming to a person with high level programming but is it multi purpose? Such as high level programmed people often serve as sex slaves AND couriers of information. As well as Theta programming (supposed psychic killers), assassins, and other purposes. Is the Muslim suicide bomber capable of multi purpose like this? Is thier programming vast and artful? I don’t know. I have surmised that their suicide programming is similar to expendables with high level programming except the multi purpose high level asset’s suicide programming only includes them killing THEMSELVES not others.
When the gang stalking system comes after them they push very hard on them to get them to kill others before they off themselves, which is the result of them taking away any remaining ties the person has as well as making them think the whole world hates them and is against them. For someone basically trained to assist other human beings or coddled by handlers this is devastating. The person turns inward to whatever programming is in there that would have been used to defend themselves while still under control of the handlers. This never included the whole damn world seeing who they were and targeting them. So they feel so slighted, so abandoned and so attacked that what is in there that is most brutal and violent is let out. And innocent people often die as a result it seems. This most often happens with men and it seems to be a reaction linked to testosterone.

It may be that programmed women who are very verbal will utilize this coping skill to survive. It is also used to keep alive any ties to creativity, artistic talent, intelligence or the true inner ‘Self’ that the system will not allow to be worked on or have any life outside of being stuck in a compartment. These are the actions of a fighter, which is why only certain people are chosen for programming and why the system does crazy sh*t to you when your little like locking you in closets, coffins or near death experiences. You are EXPECTED to survive. If you do not then you were not the caliber they were looking for to begin with. They traumatize you when yer small so that you can survive under any circumstances or find very creative ways to get around boundaries or blockades in life. Which comes in handy on missions or tasks. Even sex slaves need to get around hotel staff, cops or other things in thier way. However, when the system shifts into high gear to get rid of a programmed person, like everything else usually it turns anything the person has inside against them.

Self talk is a way to stay sane in an insane situation. It’s a way to keep in touch with and preserve oneself when all around is chaos, abuse and isolation. Dysfunctional families are by nature compartmentalized and have various controls and tactics like central control of information etc. They resemble spy agencies in a way and its a microcosm of the bigger picture that alot of these mind control families are part of- even if they do not know it.

My weird habits and racy lifestyle was never a problem before I started to wake up from programming and ask too many questions. Look up too many revealing websites on the issue. In fact I had improved my life considerably compared to when I was younger so its very suspect that my lifestyle was now a problem. The cover situation was a federal investigation around associates of mine. However, its obvious by the way things were done that it served some other purpose and some other faction. Looking at phone records as well as bank accounts would plainly show that I knew nothing and had nothing of true importance that they were looking for. They were looking for murderers and the heavy drug ties. And I’ll be damned if I believe a scum bag like PI John Panderos and his jealous broke millionheiress girlfriend who’s face is disfigured so again jealousy extreme figures into it again, those two also gaslighting me. The excuse that perhaps my mother had 100,000 dollars hidden under my name and that is what made me appear to possess a large amount of money was still bullsh*t as all one had to do is investigate who opened the account, if I was ever present or on CAMERA at that bank or if it was my mother. Checking her phone records and activities would have shown the truth. But this is a conspiracy/plot of evil design involving corrupt officers who were throwing Molotov cocktails at other officers houses to keep them quiet. Also rich kids who wanted to get off easy or blame the poor girl who had lived on the streets off and on. Every single person around me had a crime to cover for. My associate was successful career criminal who paid off cab companies with Xmas card gifts so I assume it was the same with the way its been said in the papers with the cops. My mother had a history of child abuse, crooked lawsuits as well as most likely having full knowledge of ritual abuse with me involved and other things too.
I was in a position to be used as a scape goat to a naive public as well as any vigilante that hated sex workers, women, heterosexuals, whites, any ‘hater’ you can imagine got in on gang stalking during Bush and felt totally validated. But in order for it to work the authorities THEMSELVES who were supposed to be investigating all this had to have a hand in framing me. Which makes sense if we survivors of programming are right about who is behind this.
The feds are not without corruption as the investigation turned up via the FBI in Boston. Its a joke to locals as this is the way the northeast power structure has been run for decades. But with the enormous monster that was and IS Bush, the military, the NWO, the scientific community, Big Pharma those activities were interrupted and you either assisted with what the monster power structure wanted or you got busted I’m sure. There are people who are big money makers who launder millions who did not get busted in that whole ordeal. So that demonstrates that corruption serves to protect certain people or assets of other agencies/crime syndicates in the event of an attempt to supposedly clean up corruption. The covert agencies will protect thier assets during investigations it seems.

The new, squeaky clean NWO is about managing crime and especially so that its connected to The State- the NWO. That is all they really care about. In south America they dont want to stop crime, they just want it managed so its not a threat to local government. What does that tell you? It is a trend in the way people think now about disconnection = danger. The purpose is to connect everyone and everything in an NWO not to make a perfect world as promised.

My wonderful and delicate creativity was slammed against me and used by this system to frame me as mental or try to convince me to go for a label, supposedly so my testimony on my associates wouldn’t mean anything. But I knew it was bigger than that. I knew that my waking up from programming was why they were asking this of me. I knew that the day I destroyed my alter ego due to malfunctioning and wanted to once and for all re program and find some way to incorporate her past into MY future was the greatest threat to this system. I was going to use my life experience to become a therapist for people trying to get out of adult entertainment as it seemed difficult and no therapists could tell me where to get such help. They are most likely afraid that I would have stumbled upon other programming in sex workers, validating the links such survivors as Cathy Obrien and Mark Phillips have made from abusive faction of intel agencies and org crime to escort services etc.

Also the handlers are so used to controlling the asset that they crush the person when they want to control thier own lives. I believe they also fear retribution or revenge by the person after it becomes clear they were abused and held down; lied to thier whole lives.
Coping skills are used for years as well as now I realize to preserve one’s self while in the compartmentalization from trauma based mind control.
My family are talented artists and it seems part of the handling system to deny any assets to become artists or do such things for work. Also I notice that they are deathly afraid of someone on my level getting into math or music. I know that music is used extensively in programming so that would allow the asset to consciously discover the keys to programming. There is a master programmer in there anyway but it seems to be under the control of the programming system itself. The person is very much removed from the actions of this programming system. Its detached. The fear of this system seems to be that as a person discovers and strengthens their Will they will become fully self programming. Not only a danger to conformist society but perhaps to humanity itself or the order of things.
This is of course the irrational fear of control freaks mostly male.

It seems many assets are entertainers or artists and I dont know how thier programming is set up or how it works. Perhaps that is the difference between expendables and assets that are kept alive for the purpose of a place in society.
There is a survivor who was a pianist who was handled by this system until he woke up and wanted no part of it. His story is very similar. He also ‘served’ in an alter state and never fully enjoyed his life performing.
Self talk is a way that clever, creative human beings keep thier worlds alive in the face of crushing oppression. People who are in isolation or solitary confinement exhibit the same behaviors.

The article I have linked from Firestone relates fantasy addiction to some absence of the mother’s connections or affections. It makes sense.
Many people who use such coping mechanisms can be quite logical and sensible about these issues. I knew I had to face my inner traumas as well as change the directions and use of the creative drives to be healthier. Therapists were never helpful and would always just push me along through the system. They must have seen all the -isms of programming, like flooding at sessions or lashing out at the therapist as part of the guardian system not allowing outsiders to mess with inner programming. They would do nothing to assist. Part of the gang stalking system is also negligence. NOT acting when one should to assist the person. I call this Passive Gang Stalking.
I always sought help and asked if I could somehow stop self talk if it became obsessive (usually do to stress or trauma-anxiety) and I was told that I should not stop doing it outright as not only would that be dangerous, it would destroy the creative element that is behind it trying to stay alive by existing any way it can. Its kind of like keeping lines open that are not in use akin to keeping pipes warm in winter so they do not freeze up.
Due to my therapist or my psychiatrist not not wanting to delve into this issue or having no direction for me to take I made my own plan which was to simply slowly transfer these energies over to the outside world as in acting, writing, etc. It seems a logical way to build a bridge outward into the world.
While this was going on the stalking and harassment system came down on me and my coping mechanisms were used to attempt to frame me up as schizophrenic. It was totally illogical though as when one self talks its usually when they are alone. The difference is plainly clear between the person with a disorder and a person acting out over a history of trauma. Besides if I told my psychiatrist and she didnt want to help me but later tried to turn on me after I left town then I am certainly in the right. As well as that therapist Perlman in Brighton didnt help either. All she did was pump me for information about Lorraine who used to live in my apartment and was also in with my associates as well. After she did that she immediately turned around and said I was probably making up the harassment to get attention.

Its inter generational as well. My mother may want to claim that I am crazy like my father Danny but it is HER mother who I have inherited being verbal from. My mother calls it ‘mad chatter’ when my grandmother cant be quiet for even a few minutes. She comes from a large family and is dealing with living in denial so people like that tend to never want to be alone or have to block out realities with constant talk acting as diversion most likely.
Within a dysfunctional family unit it is also a thought stopping tactic. No one can think if there is always diversion. And that is exactly what it is. I was always punished in that family for asking too many questions, using logic and reason or thinking too much. Which I just ignored anyway. Danny’s DNA was threatening in the Roman way I was upstanding and smart about politics and the Slav in me that wondered about everything and wanted to roam away my home that was oppressive. He’s not crazy by the way. He’s targeted. His sole ‘craziness’ was claiming that my mother and her family were involved in a secret project having to do with the military and the CIA. Uh, so how was he wrong? MK Ultra and human radiation experiments were conducted by those exact two factions with support by academic institutions, my grandparents both being in the Marines. The guy was hip to the truth, spoke out and got the treatment for it. It’s that simple. And my mother thought she was going to put me on the same ride. They are still trying too.

My maternal grandmother could be heard self talking in the bathroom or in the basement leaning on the dryer. These were her few moments alone. Much of it sounded like problem solving. Sometimes though she was obviously trying to sooth herself due to dealing with the madness in the family situation. The woman was living a nightmare every day. I don’t know if she was programmed either or if she had trauma she didnt deal with or if she was knowingly working for agencies or other factions like military. Anything is possible I have discovered. She seemed to be into denial as if it were to save her own life.
Her children used to regard her eccentric behavior as just that and nothing more. This is also a very Irish attitude. To be a drunk or to have eccentric behaviors I think is accepted more so than in Italian families where the insanity relies more on overt violence, problems with control and criminal behavior opposed to the dream like spaces of the Celtic spirit. The world we live in and the Other Side still exist in the minds of every Irish person alive who listens to their DNA. It is a component of a magical society that the crown and the churches have been trying to destroy throughout history. Drink and Catholicism and poverty have taken care of oppressing the strong Irish spirit for years. Note however how the Irish still persevere. Understand now the threat to the order of things where The State rules the minds of the people. Don’t ever give into the idea that Irish means drunk, corrupt Catholic. Those are imposed false tactics of keep down. Don’t buy into them and try to deprogram yourself out of enslavement. It’s only going to get worse from here on in with destroying human spirituality as well as any ancient connections to ancestors or magickal systems in nature especially ones strongly ethnic, and especially European.
Self talk runs in my maternal line then as a coping mechanism.
Whats annoying is the pathetic attempts to turn this against me. My mother couldn’t get my grandmother to turn on me with this one as she herself was accustomed to using this coping mechanism. So my mother eventually had to find some other frame up so she told me the harassment was the feds investigating and then when the time was right she tried to flip the script on me and say it was all probably due to me being crazy like Danny, which now probably to outsiders included self talk and fantasizing. She is so damn sloppy and I think I hate that more than anything else.

Also, I was dealing with that apartment being moldy and that was extremely stressful as well as caused some trippy like mental states due to the mold itself I believe. If you want proof of this I have a place on SCRIBD where documentation is provided. Its linked on the blog to the right.

What is sad is that I knew best what I needed. I knew that I could get into theater as a fun side activity to express my life long stifled creativity. I also was discovering that part of my programming that remained allowed me to write in my head, edit, store in file, then regurgitate word for word. My memorizing scripts would have been a breeze.
I also seemed to have the timing and control for comedy. I wanted to start just writing down stuff I came up with in my apartment anyway.

Destroying my recall seemed to be a priority, as well as preventing me from recalling any memories from before the age of six of which I had always had very little. Also making sure that I never was to be believed about any of this I think was the main purpose and still is.
The only thing I have going for me is so many details of my old associates criminal operations that no matter what else I write that is ‘crazy’ no one can deny those details. I would have to be telling the truth. It has made the cops in Boston back off more than once and if they ever try to lock me up or get committed there is sensitive info ready to be let loose. Even if they turned me into a bowl of jello in a mental hospital which TI’s have said happens to us sometimes if we make the wrong moves on the chess board, I will be able to furnish that information.

Self talk is a sign of someone who is communicative but trapped somehow from communicating with outsiders. They are blocked.
What are signs of a disorder? Like in the third link above its true schizophrenia. Disordered thinking, incoherent speach, actions or behaviors. Most truly unfortunate disordered people will self talk outside where there are plenty of people to talk to. I started commenting to myself when the targeting was at its heaviest and I felt not only totally alone but stressed out beyond belief, the mold exposure seemed to have alot to do with me seeming to lose my mind as well.

Perps used to mess with me by saying things like “well I had conversations with people that werent there and I thought I was really having conversations with them”. The person using fantasy creation to work out whatever they are trying to work out does not suffer from schizophrenia. This is becuz they do not really believe there are people actually there in real life. They are creating characters just as a writer would or an actor must rehearse there is some one there to react to. Its very much the sign of an extremely talented imagination having been stifled badly. Its beyond a block. This is why I personally never doubted my sanity once throughout this whole ordeal. I always questioned my sanity or morals to make sure the perps were not correct. Life would be alot easier if they were believe me.

The person is stuck in being locked away in thier own little world where they can use thier imaginations. If yer a survivor of programming then those or circumstances usually where the people around you work soley to keep you controlled. Especially if you are a mind controlled slave like a courier. Here is example. If one is very visual and has photographic memory as a talented painter or sketch artist should, this system will have programmed them to use thier gifts to take pictures of documents at high speed as well as record events as if on video. This also applies to remembering conversations. If the slave is to be controlled these talents must only be usable to them never under the programmed slave’s own Will. An informant said to me years ago that they only want me to have my talents if I am working for ‘Them’, which is the whole reason for the campaign of destruction.

In my situation during the federal investigation of associates of mine the whole frame up was about schizophrenia. That was to be accomplished by mold exposure destroying my memory over time, my father having that same label years before as well as my using my eccentric private habits for this purpose as well as after being gang stalked overtly I would sound paranoid as well. I know this becuz the perps let me know this was the plan to my face as I traveled through MI and other locations during my first road trip out. The coercion and brainwashing attempts to get me to take a label were pathetic but constant. And note that many of the people I dealt with doing this in Port Huron MI turned out to be either married to pedophiles, had fathers with them that were pedophiles (Burlighton VT) or in general fit the bill of the typical gang stalker which many Targets now understand are either rapists or child molesters, or domestic abusers. Who else would want to work so hard to keep victims in line? Its like a Cause for these types of people. It creeps me out to think of the amount of perps I had run across that I later realized or found out were into child molestation.

In the place I squat there is a truly mentally ill Vietnam vet. He may be targeted, an experimentee or picked up something in the jungles of Asia that made his mind or brain diseased. He has conversations with himself but they often dont make sense as well as he exhibits this behavior when there are plenty of people around the talk to. He is often incoherent and talks to himself as if someone is there and in broken sentences. This is not a ritual for him or a coping skill. He has even been heard self injuring. I never judge now when I see really crazy people. I know now that at one time they may have been wealthy, important, very beautiful and probably very inconvenient or in a sensitive position. Then the clean up crew came for them..end of a life. Then again people might just have mental illness. I am certain that much of the time its toxiplasmosis or other organic brain diseases. There are psych meds that are proven to kill certain parasites which is why they work to ‘cure’ someone of supposed ‘disorders’.
Its also evident that alot of the disorders they are coming up with are due to tech being used probably en masse. I try not to write about that as its just too much for people to accept. However that theory is feasible is all I will say.

If I was treated fairly and not screwed over by the legit system I never would have had such a problem with any of these isms or coping skills for trauma. The gang stalking system takes whatever they have to work with and makes it a problem.

The legit system rarely admits to such mistakes or taking the side of such covert factions. They will keep up the resistance to me just as I will to them. So many people abuse a target as well as thier office or profession that the lawsuits and pulling of medical licenses would be numerous. They have to stick to thier lies in order to survive.
Just remember that when you think begging this system for mercy or giving in will save you. It will not.
And if you give into lies of such magnitude, you have saved nothing of your true Self anyway. The truth of the past dies with you in that moment you agree with thier version of events.

There seems to be many alternative psychological approaches that steer away from big pharma such as The Glendon association. I suggest seeking those instead of the industrial complex becuz those meds in themselves cause so many side effects only years from now will the truth come through.
This is why its been so hard for them to destroy me. I know I was doing the right things. I know they got me at a very vulnerable time when I was in such a sensitive transition that I could not have defended myself nor my territory. It makes me angry that I did everything society asked of me to better myself supposedly in thier new self help, therapy, recovery obsessed culture and they screwed me anyway. It seems that some areas of corruption and illegal activity are protected and the usual laws done apply.

Besides the fact that I had so much spiritual and mental activity in that little apartment it was like my temple. They destroyed my ‘temple’ and ripped me away from it into slavery. Now I am really not pleased. Money isnt gold. Illumination is gold. If you have spiritual power and Will you can make money, keep your health etc. Stupid peasants make money for the small status it brings. Spiritual power houses know that money is a mere tool.
Don’t be a stupid peasant. America is now full of commoners who destroy beauties and artists and hate intellectuals becuz they cant buy thier way into having that so they use what they have to destroy it. Reality shows and Idol give them the validation of the common slob they need to keep functioning and in return they support the system’s agenda.
Truly creative people no longer hold mystery or status over others anymore. The system in place now tries to almost penalize creativity and going out on limbs as disorders or trying to claim that talented people have disorders(to keep then under control). I notice that nowadays you play the system or you get slammed. This is very unhealthy for creatives. Its also disgusting to have to cow tow to any science types being in such power positions as they really hate artists in general anyway.
I read in a Brit newspaper the other day that a scientist now ‘discovered’ that when you rub a recent injury like a bump or scrape that it does indeed self heal. So I guess that means we can all go ahead and keep doing that as the Magi’s have ok’d it from on high. Do you need the ‘experts’ (who note they never give names. Just ‘experts’. Faceless authority. NOT good.) to tell you what your body already knows or things your great grandmother taught your grandmother that you know is good and works? WTF is that? Its called making you paranoid that you don’t fit a bill of health unless some ‘expert’ glorifies you for being a smart monkey and rubbing yer head after you bump it.

As you can see at the point of a Survivor being targeted heavily, any eccentricities one has will be an asset to the smear machine. In my case an entire hospital staff in the psych ER of Mass General Hospital was in on this. I mean overt harassment. How do you have that many people in on this? Its no wonder that many abusive Satanic cults that are being busted lately show many people in medical school or getting medical degrees.

Satanic Panic made the reactionary Recovered Memory Syndrome organization seem like rescuers to a witch hunt. This means that many therapists dont want to deal with this kind of thing anymore.
Like I said NOT doing thier jobs seems to be a major form of harassment on a targeted Survivor.

Even if you are not a survivor of programming and just use Self Talk to avoid loneliness or to enjoy your own company you may want to investigate why you have such a habit. At times it can become all consuming like an addiction and this is due to the underlying issues not being taken care of as well as not having a satisfying social life. If you are not targeted then a decent therapist (who does thier damn job) should take the compassion and time necessary to assist in navigating through it. I went to a 12 step for fantasy addiction but it was full of porn addicts which was not my problem.

There is also research that shows that many people talk on thier cell phone when no one is on the other end. Thier main motives were boredom, loneliness or wanting to appear as if they had many friends (perhaps more sad a motive than being lonely). The other motive was like what Paris Hilton does which is to keep people away from her while in public. I cant blame her.

Our society more than ever now wants control over citizens lives. Its interesting that in 1984 talking to one’s self was cause for investigation. I can see that being a threat. It means that one can literally think for oneself. I personally have gotten alot done with planning or figuring things out by using that method.
Only when the system was really hitting me heavy and I was sick from mold exposure did I begin to crack from stress and perhaps have outbursts in public.

I know this was used against me even on covert levels which is bullshit as well. A woman on a bus with a perp group, during my first road trip to escape this situation in 2006, was from MA interestingly. She looked right at me and said something about an experiment where they wanted to find out if a person who talks to themselves would kill themselves if that was taken away from them. Its the same bs that is used all along to validate what they are actually doing which is silencing victim witnesses. What will make you suicide is them working on areas of suicide programming that still remain by torturing you to death, not trying to alter you into not being able to self talk.
If ever that was some sort of supposed experiment then one would have to question the ethics of the way it was done. As well is why is that so important when the person is basically a nobody. Also consider the amount of money and resources involved in such an undertaking. From what I have seen its exuberant. Trying to convince me that this is some behavior modification that my mother wants done is also bullshit. My mother or I are not this important and my eccentric habits are not the focus of these actions that violate the Geneva convention as well as many human and civil rights. This is about the people involved in that federal investigation as well as me starting to recall memories from before the age of 6, as well as the most extreme case of jealously I have ever seen in my life.
They usually come after the TI with these rationalizations, making the person feel that someone powerful believes this is necessary or for your own good. The torture I have endured is unfathomable to most US citizens.

The main problem is most likely that anyone dealing with my coping mechanisms will most likely then be dealing with what is underneath which is what they dont want revealed.

If you have used self talk as a coping mechanism then you have attempted self healing or care. This shows that with the right assistant, guide or helper one could most likely gain full healing. Such coping mechanisms are not disorders in themselves. They are ways that a human being tries to carve a path around things that they do not understand how to destroy, alter or work with. My programming was such a thing as this. Also if you are surrounded by people you cant trust, perhaps you can trust yourself. If I had not found answers within myself often, I never would have survived the actions of those surrounding me.

Everyone has different coping skills for trauma. My old associate’s mechanisms were weird to me but worked for her. Reading a book while having a phone in each ear, the tv always on, smoking eating and drinking all at the same time as well as having people always around to talk to (in between the other diversions) to me seemed excessive and way to busy for me. But that was her, she was a social creature and did not want to face things as well. My mother would take a hostage to care for, eat chocolate, overeat and buy things she didnt need.

Fantasy addiction is not that you are living in a fantasy that you actually believe to be real. Its a ritualistic addictive behavior.
I believe in people with such trauma backgrounds it provides actual relief and short term healing. If research is done it will most likely show that certain chemicals are released upon these actions that are useful to the person in managing adverse effects of trauma (like programming).

The question of sanity is one of control and awareness. During the height of the harassment I went deeper into my little world and much of my behavior was reactionary against the events I would encounter when going outside, being harassed etc. My ex was slowly pulling the plug which was like slow torture. I had never been in love before and really didnt understand what was happening to me emotionally. This childlike state most programmed people remain in is also used against them. Most people will believe the person is either mental or is aware of thier actions and how they impact others thus they must be bad people etc. Programmed people are a strange mix of wisdom and total ignorance, innocent healing childlike sides then a side that is capable of killing out of necessity with no human feeling. This is why deprogramming must be done carefully not by trying to make the person snap. I believe what they are doing in my case is realizing I wont snap or suicide but the ordeal of fighting these urges will make me normal or get me some control. Which its done neither. I may appear ‘cured’ of a wild lifestyle or weird addictive private habits but that is all a farce they hand people, even people who think they know the whole story that the person is programmed. These actions are taken against the person out of sheer fear of retrobution by the slave for years of abuse, and rightly so. As well as a fear they will grow in power after deprogramming and gaining access, also strengthening thier human Will power. Jealousy as well as control freaks in this system.
All they have done is ruin my health, destroy my creativity as well as give me brain damage. What they want it seems is a drone. A mindless worker bee who will get a job far beneath what their capacity was and move on, keeping quiet about what has been done. Which means they are asking the victim to leave thier soul with the people who destroyed it. They will probably most likely use the con of some sort of rebirth into Christianity. Which is ridiculous. That in this situation is akin to agreeing that you are already dead. That you no longer share in strong life force with Nature.
This is why I am suspect at times that its Christians behind this on some level as well. They are genuinely so superstitious that they dont understand there is good within the person as well as a positive use of strong life energies which they consider ‘satanic’ in nature. They might just be sicker than any Satanic faction that comes to destroy the person.

I suspect that the tech and techniques that are mentioned by many people that Reagan wanted to put into hospitals, prisons and institutions are the same that are used in forced deprogramming and interrigation then behavior modification programs. There is no way to get the perps in trouble as they are doing this to people who are not supposed to exist anyway. If RA and programming do not officially exist, then how can one make claims that one has been mistreated?

As long as psychiatry has any real power and keeps on expanding on thier own book of lies, there is little hope for true freedom among mankind. Spiritual quests must be made and looking deep within, perhaps taking time to have a break down or do something out of ordinary is what the mind needs at that time. Humans were self healing in these ways long before quackery existed. In fact imagination has never been so illegal of an idea, so dangerous to the establishment as right now.

If you are dealing with someone who self talks its best to not embarass them. A therapist may approach it with them in a way that is safe and it may be that they can eventually grow out of it or grow into something where thier talents are put forth out into the world instead of their own personal world. The person obviously feels unsafe either around people or out in the world.

This is very normal for artists to feel this way when not in the company of other artistic people. Not people who are creative or are capable of art but are ARTISTS. They can be nothing else even if they are blocked and dont know it themselves. Often only other artists will understand what they are saying, doing or talking about or why their actions are as they are. Considering my grandmother being a very talented sketch artist it stands to reason that she would go a bit mad. Most stifled artists often to and many of them are female. Especially the painters or visual creators.
America can hardly accept a person like Pollack but he is accepted due to this painters strong drives being aggressive as he is male. When a woman is capable of creating with such furry often society fears her, especially if she is not engaging in her talents. These are not the same types who hang around painting classes. This is the true artist the one that has the drive of volcanos spitting up new earth into the world. These are the people who always get into trouble or die young. Its hard to possess that much primitive drive in a cage known as civilization and especially America…especially NOW.

Most people dont understand what is behind coping mechanisms like this.

In my case the damage to my creativity as well as my ability to create has ended any further undertakings of art again as long as I live. I am systematically ignored as the people at fault would have too much to answer for if I was validated in my claims.
I hardly use self talk any more. Why should I? There is no creative inner world. Due to mold exposure and the mind blowing events that have taken place over many years time my mind is no longer capable of creativity or imagination. The brain damage is too great. This might be part of the reason I am never allowed any peace when I try to get a place to live. It does seem like I was being trained through gang stalking to not engage in this behavior anymore as well as was being forced into learning to be social and live among people at all times.

These actions have actually caused brain damage. Due to torture being used to gain these ends instead of real therapy, destruction has occured. They dont care however as long as the person conforms and no longer tries to hold the system accountable.
It will end with my eventually taking my own life due to being forced to have my true form altered to fit into a false mold. One cant erase the rest of me that was meant to live and exist in that form not the one I am in now. Its like having to cut yer arms off to fit into something. The memory of those arms is never going to leave the mind as well as one cant keep existing without using them. They can but why should they? If the amputations were by force and the cutters are still watching you, trying to get you to behave a certain way with your new lack of limbs you are not going to respond to the very same people who cut them off to begin with.

Does this not again reek of military involvement? Who but they would try to have the same soldiers that just destroyed, shot and bombed then hand out food. Some people will fall for that cult mind control but some will rebel til the end and never accept the occupation by the invader/destroyers.

To be honest if I do have a moment alone and I have settled down, relaxed and used self talk I usually gain control over my depression, my new found memory loss and many other negative effects of what this system has done to me. Which is why they dont want that probably.


~ by onmc on October 2, 2010.

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In Search of Black Assassins

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Raising awareness of theories concerning mind control aka thought control/ brain washing of individuals, groups and the masses. Mass 'mind control' as well as programming of individuals is covered. Theories cover basic methods such as technological, chemical and psychological.


Raising awareness of theories concerning mind control aka thought control/ brain washing of individuals, groups and the masses. Mass 'mind control' as well as programming of individuals is covered. Theories cover basic methods such as technological, chemical and psychological.

The Dirtiest Secret Behind Child Abuse

Raising awareness of theories concerning mind control aka thought control/ brain washing of individuals, groups and the masses. Mass 'mind control' as well as programming of individuals is covered. Theories cover basic methods such as technological, chemical and psychological.