RA Survivors And Abortion

Didn’t know how to really deal with the title to this one. Should I discuss RA Survivors and reproduction generally? Its too broad of a subject. The subject seems to random yet when it comes up for Survivors it effects us differently than most women.

http://www.priestsforlife.org/postabortion/casestudyproject/casestudy043.htm

Yet, ours are usually very similar if not exact experiences, we the mind controlled slaves, the programmed. Ritual abuse survivors.

I had a medical procedure to terminate a pregnancy on August 19th, 2013. It was my second in my adult lifetime. Only since I had become a heavily targeted Survivor of mind control after breaking free of programming, did I ever become careless, undisciplined and unable to control myself or the situations I found myself in. Even the people I am forced to associate with are counter productive in nature and not who I would be around if I were not targeted. In short gang stalking campaigns make it so the Target can no longer think for themselves.

Before becoming a 24/7 Target in 2003 I had always been on a pill that I could tolerate. Interestingly, when my difficulties came about with deprogramming is when they took this one of a kind pill of the market and no facsimile was available. It always seemed so…part of the plan at that time.
I was and am very intolerant to hormones. For so many things psychiatry wants to issue a disorder for, there are many explanations that are genetic, spiritual and even magickal.

Its in our nature to be violent, to be strong…even to come from people who kill with ease or where violent and immoral actions are in the nature. One of the reasons they pick children from military pedophile families is that you have right there a person who is willing to both rape and kill: the perfect soldier.

Many of us are fully aware that we have the ability to kill but that is just a side to us. Its not who we are. All humans are capable of killing but we are trained. There’s programming that consists of military training to kill with skill, ritual abuse programming to kill ritualistically in a cult etc. Many of us know at least that we have some recall of being present at rituals as small children. Some of us recall clearly, or were exposed to this for so long and at later ages that the memories are undeniable.
We all know that we have within us the experience of murder of a sacrifice without any feelings. Which is what the programmers need to instill in us in order to create effective assassins, body guards, spies, prostitutes, messengers etc.
We also have to be able to disassociate. I recall being able to disassociate into other alters or personas but don’t recall going into other personalities that were completely separate, which if I was able to do this, of course I would not recall doing so. Only a handler would be able to.
In my work I make a strong difference between multiple personalities and disassociation. They aren’t disorders either. If they were, they would not exist as they do. These are normal, healthy methods of the human mind dealing with traumatic experiences. Its been manipulated to create something the system can use for its own purposes.

Being targeted we have to run for our lives and often live on the run for years. This makes for strange bedfellows. Often that becomes literal. So starved are we for love, affection, attention and for many of us, specifically sexual activity that we end up making decisions that we would NOT have had we been in control of our lives. Many of us have been targeted life long but for various reasons the system allowed us to be in control of our lives and have friends or lovers before becoming heavily targeted. Usually this is when we are still of use to the system and under the control of those around us and most importantly- under the total control of an intact internal programming system.

If we beat suicide programming when deprogramming begins, we then have a chance of deprogramming and even reprogramming ourselves with a part of us being the head or internal programming system. I now believe that brain damage has been induced in some of us to trigger deprogramming in order to continue MK Ultra unethical human experimentation. I was sent an email that simply stated “they are trying to see how programming breaks down” to help explain that horrible MILAB on a Greyhound bus in the southwestern USA. So, it makes sense that they did this on purpose. Susan Ford aka Bryce Taylor claims her recall started after a car accident and brain injuries.

In many of our cases, they simply wont allow us to heal, grow and reinvent ourselves naturally. They isolate us from society and put us into brutal and destructive behavior modification programs, all in order to continue the experimentation and also to ensure we are silenced as victim witnesses. Whatever memories we recall and who ever we can name in them- famous people, diplomats, heads of state and the acts that went on, are forever covered up by the very system that created us to begin with. Many of us were in kiddie porn and that seems to be something that the system is terrified of us being able to recall or name names. Even if according to our family members, the content seemed harmless- often our families especially parents are also programmed and controlled so their logic never makes much sense. Unless its in relation to the insane world of mind control. To be fair often our parents in their sick way are trying to protect us and themselves from how dangerous this system can be. Better to be in denial than to be dead. Which for many of us, just isnt true. Its still slavery and its not good enough.

Living on the road for so many years, carrying a big pack, age and due to the radiation from Fukishima (those of us living outside especially frequenting the west coast, have more exposure to this than normal people. My mother being a radiation experimentee to begin with, I can only imagine how this effects me) I became ill with some serious conditions. Due to my ability to get out of difficulties and ‘luck’ I had medical procedures and did whatever I had to to take care of my health. Including taking someone on the road with me whom, if without thier help I never would have gotten those procedures.

But I had become officially Old & Tired from these experiences and it seems, especially after Fukishima. I found myself wanting to settle somewhere. I went to a friend’s home in Oregon, stayed too long and got myself pregnant.
He of course was a bit of a mess, a single dad taking care of a son to begin with. Northwestern Native and Irish he drank out of habit nightly. Not violent but simply irresponsible and often fun at night-however I think he enjoyed being a dad a little too much. After a while I realized that men too can be addicted to having children. He’s what I call a serial impregnator. Our little ‘accident’ was probably on purpose.

The question is why was I a person so obsessed with being in control of my life, having relations without protections?

Too many years isolated from what I had once known. Family, lovers, friends. Long time friends, no matter how f*cked up they were as people. They knew me. I could call them on a moments notice to ask what a work meant, why the world worked as it did or they could call me drunk, gently telling me they had rescued a baby bird or whining about something they would forget by tomorrow. We were dysfunctional people who protected, tormented and bonded with each other. What hurts Target’s most is when close friends are not there for traumas like this.

When one is in control of their own sexuality, its different from being a Targeted Survivor. Not only do they isolate you from long time associations, they also make sure that sexual abuse and control via gang stalking is used on you as a Target as this is a key part of behavior modification (as documented in MK Ultra).

To say the least- this f*cks a person up very badly. Its the magickal parts of mind control and RA that people do not want to believe but it is real. Many programmed people actually were used as psychic assassins. There are a number of us where it seems they were very afraid of how powerful of an ‘energy cell’ we might be able to become in our later years on this planet if we had been left alone to grow at our own pace as opposed to being cut down by the gang stalking system. They only want powerful people to work for them, so I was told. Anyone showing any resistance or independence is going to be cut down. To have their wiring ripped out if you want to look at it mechanically.
This all ties into orgone and Tesla’s work. They dont want humans to realize that there are sources of energy on earth that are very different from whats presented to people in society as its set up now. The world, as they present it, is an illusion of limitations. The natural world has so much to offer which is why they must destroy it, vilify it and make people afraid of living in nature. If humans could formulate a world where nature and our technological abilities were harmonized, the a power available to us would be immense. As it stands today, they are doing nothing but poisoning you to death. What you breath, what you eat, manufacturing what you use daily to live in the prison like world they have created.

The difference between us became evident one day when some goats his landlords/employers had newly purchased were making their natural noises out in the yard. I, irritated, commented that it sounded like babies crying and wanted it to stop. Of course being a person with ritual abuse at my root, the sounds of babies crying irritates me. This is really what Silence Of The Lambs is about. Every RA survivor knows those werent goats she was talking about. They were babies.

He got this almost in love look on his face and stated that crying babies need to be tended not shut up. He’d always dated mom’s and now I knew why, not just because their kids could play together but because he probably wanted someone who would have more children.
The last woman he was with had an insane lifestyle centered around kids. She had four of her own and ran a daycare. People like this scare me and I find their lives to be abhorrent beyond belief. Unless you are filthy rich, super organized or truly a home loving type it usually ends up that you simply love to be buried in chaos, a house thats a mess with constant noise and something going on constantly with no privacy. Which of course he loved the sociability of. People like this dont travel, they dont ponder the mysteries of life and to be blatantly honest, once women have children especially multiple ones, they seem to suffer from a disease of the mind that makes them stupid, dumbed down, unable to face up to problems in society for the sake of protecting thier kids and mindlessly aggressive with momma bear hormones which is quite different from a lone knight type figure battling the powers that be in darkness and shadows while staying the Traveler.

He and his kid being west coast were resistant to having New England orderly and discipline put on the household something I absolutely cannot live without. In New England you freeze to death if you dont get your shit together and there isnt alot of room- you might have to fight for a parking space (Southy) or the last milk on the shelf before a blizzard. Society is ordered a certain way so we can all survive and assist each other accordingly. On the west coast they live with there being enough food, space and land for everyone and they exist as if time meaninglessly passing them by has no consequences.
In the end my only suggestion was to put his kid in military school and for his ass to get a job with more hours to keep him busy and sober. Neither one worked of course because out west- just existing is enough. There’s no sorrow over lost time or never expressed works of art or unfinished business.
That sunshine in the south and constant rain in the north lulls people into believing that time is there for them forever. Just considering what old age must be like in that place was enough to make me consider coming home.

Like the woman in the link above I also was talked into my termination by people around me. He kept saying that I was too old and had health problems like liver disease that most certainly would be passed onto the baby. I also worried exactly what effects on my child would come from all these years of being gassed, spray dosed with hallucinogens, attempted poisoned, microwaved etc as well as toxiplasmosis from mold exposure that caused the original brain damage. Being targeted for ten years.

And then there was the original health issue from my mother of being damaged by her exposed to radium and radiation treatments as an infant. We were the only two in our family with chronic, severe endometriosis. She, like many radiation exposures, had thyroid problems later in life. This as well as everything else made me strongly consider not forming this life. And the scars I had from multiple surgeries made it so an expanding abdomen was painful. I couldnt imagine my bladder or stomach standing up to a full term pregnancy and this is not a guy who could pay to have me taken care of after the damage from such an ordeal.

Lastly, there is always the reality that most people dont have to face: you are going to be giving birth to the next generation of an inter generational line of mind control and ritual abuse victims. Someone is going to take the kid from you in the hospital and do things to it. Torment it or a quick small ritual or like me, its going to get sick with a fever, be on the verge of death at 8 months and then, in the hospital room, a ritual will be performed..for good or evil doesn’t matter. Does any mother really want a child thats going to be tormented?

I would also be old when the child is just coming up young. Instinctively, every person knows that their child has to be reared by them. This isnt any ordinary child. Its perhaps bloodline or at least of extra ordinary ability, intelligence and strength. And most often they take children from us to foster homes, where alot of the programming and early abuse is done. The child is vulnerable and insecure from being removed from its parents.

Even though he kept convincing me to terminate he also gave mixed signals like that I might lose my mind and have it or have it and leave it with him. This was his attempt to gain yet another child and I think he would have accepted if I kept it. Leaving it anywhere is laughable because anyone who’s met my mother knows that there is an overbearing maternal instinct in my family. An unmistakable territoriality. Enough to make effective protectors or killers. My maternal family would move mountains to ensure I was accounted for, protected or controlled even though my mother hates me enough to destroy me. There is no way that anything that belongs to me is going to be left with a stranger. Especially a person.

Like the author of the link I probably was in shock and I completely relate to the mental processes she went through. The pros and cons list etc.
And the male in my life did indeed consider it to not be a alive in the sense of a being or person, which is because they don’t have such a thing developing in a womb. Which is why doctors shouldn’t be men when dealing with female reproductive processes or should be held up to much more scrutiny. For all their education they can never truly relate. Perhaps as husbands and fathers themselves but its the bad doctors that do alot of damage to women in the field of ob/gyn. And they get more respect and protection than they deserve and women are lacking empowerment in relation to this far more than they should be.

In my case health issues made it near impossible to carry it to term. I even thought about continuing on to Canada bringing it with me and having it there. Strangely, I realized later that the area I was going to be going to, Alberta, was Blackfoot territory and he was partially that tribe. Being a person who is strongly connected to land and energies tied into land or buildings as part of my ‘magickal’ nature it was very hard after the termination due to the fetus being part Native American. It wasn’t in my DNA but it was part of the land I was existing on in that area and as an American. I noticed that the strength with which the fetus took from my body to form itself was especially intense of a process. Yes, you can feel it taking from you to make..itself and its little home I suppose. Its very very strange. Then you can feel its heart beating later on. These are things our society doesn’t account for. Our society is falsely industrialized and mechanical. It has to be that way, if you were aware of the magic of the Natural world you wouldn’t be easily enslaved.

The last abortion I had was in 2005. I really didn’t like the abusive handler/snitch for local cops involved in the cover story federal investigation that was the father. That whole deal seemed to be getting me pregnant as a part of the original torment and trying to destroy me so I would suicide by any means possible. I wasn’t in control of my Will by that time either. I had been targeted and still didn’t realize it was gang stalking. Only after I became educated about gang stalking and understanding my status as a Survivor of mind control and RA was I able to take any sort of semi control of my life again- as this system kept me controlled and targeted for years afterwards.
That was easier. I was younger, stronger, more unaware and newly deprogramming. Also he was Irish and Lithuanian and I am in part also those. It wasn’t as traumatic.

I even thought about going to a local tribe and getting some sort of forgiveness for killing a Blackfoot child. I have to admit that the energies coming from him and his child were a bit too intense for my body to handle. He looks like a lot of the faintly Native whites in that general nor Cal area. He’s from some mountain town nearby but whatever tribal DNA it is, the males are irresistibly attractive.

Our sexual energies were far too primal for me to handle and he had some magickal abilities of his own though not put through a system of magick it seems. He wasnt completely my style either. He was blindly Liberal, often annoyingly masculine and aggressive and once again, another talented musician that takes his talent for granted and doesn’t give a shit about it or himself as an artist. You’re only 32 buddy..wait until you are 42. You are going to miss the luxury of wasting your youth.
He lacked imagination and intellect sexually. Also, I cant deal with having to wait until a kid goes to sleep to have sex and if you have ever been pregnant, its annoying how much control this give the male over your drives. Its dangerous actually. I’m still dealing with physical fallout from that. One of the most damaging things was to not be inside in a house with him months after the abortion.
Like it or not, males are essential to our healing processes. It also would have kept the physical bond up and since he was getting drunk and still trying to have sex without protection, I had to leave.

As I was trying to hitch a ride out I began to bleed, was hit with fatigue and got the worst lower back ache of my life. I was cycling pad use one hour short of hemorrhaging. I went to the ER finally and then to a follow up they scheduled for me. They were abusive, I think it was gang stalking.
After going to a hip part of town where I knew other Travelers who supported me, I became incapacitated by the back pain, couldnt lift my backpack. I was away from the baby’s father, I was outside in this condition that was unusual for me to be without strength and mobility and I had PAS syndrome still. I had a presence of mind left to call my former companion and have him call me every morning to form a daily plan of activity. Portland is the kind of place where one could get sick then just drift into the homeless scene downtown lost forever.

I somehow got enough self defense to call my doctor who was on the team who performed the abortion which was three women whom considering the circumstances were wonderful.
That attending said that she wished the other docs had done an ultrasound and that it sounded like there was some product of conception left or blood clots and what happened was I had birthed them out which is why I bled so heavily and my back hurt. In fact, I am still dealing with back pain to a lesser degree as its taking a long time to go away. Its now mid November.

I returned to Boston not only because I trust the hospitals here but because I instinctively knew I had to be around my mother, her mother and even the graves of my grandmother’s on both sides. Just in the same area. Where I was conceived and born. I don’t have contact with my family so being in the ‘I want my mommy’ phase of a painful experience wasn’t going to happen. I did however have what is left of my street family in Cambridge and a familiar environment, even if the GS is bad here. I was again most lucky as a Traveler. I got a ride from someone hauling a metal band’s equipment across the USA and then found some comfort when I got home.
Yet I still can tell that the west coast, the radiation and the pregnancy has taken not only a toll but a permanent effect on my physical body.
Like everywhere I have traveled and stayed for an extended period, the environment of that new place has become a part of my physical make up.

I was so pulled to go back so many times. Visions of Portland, OR. Of him, of his kid and the house. His sexual energies still able to pull me from 3000 miles away.

I was convinced I was pregnant for a while afterwards. Only an ultrasound convinced me and Im glad I have something like that to stay in line with reality.

The complications I had which the medical people would not use that term to describe what happened. They want to describe my dead baby left inside of me as “product of conception”. Which is utter bullshit.
This is all due to the fact that in the end, society refuses to admit that women can kill their children. Women who do commit this act are villainous more heavily in media and socially than any male criminal ever will be. Our world does not want women to have the power to create and destroy. Its too much for men I think. To admit that women can make the decision to kill what they know is their own child if the circumstances warrant such a decision. Of course we can- we can always have another one and that IS the luxury we enjoy that they perhaps envy so.

Yet its not supposed to bother us that men of power every generation want to take our grown yet still young sons from us for their wars-for-profit. Only men in power can kill our children, only men can deliver our children in the world. WE are not allowed, still in this day and age, to truly be in charge of what makes us so powerful on this planet.

I can look at this more closely than most people. Being a ritual abuse survivor we know about children dying. Its something we’ve had to face before as children ourselves so our memories tell us no matter how faint they are. Our strength to survive and our ability to switch when faced with traumatic emotions are based on this ‘training’ and experience they give us as infants and toddlers. I even went through a strange expression of my RA background before sealing my decision to go through with the termination. I had to, it would be the only way to deal with doing it.

However, being a deprogrammed a survivor of mind control is more exposed to the normal emotions of human beings than before. Not only do we have much of what is described by the author as after effects we have a whole other list of things connected to our RA experiences that effect us after abortion. We are not accustomed to being physically weakened. If we become weak enough, we end our lives. To become so sickly so suddenly left me confused and worst of all-vulnerable.

And for targeted Survivors going to a counselor is dangerous. I would have to explain to them I was targeted and a Survivor (maybe) for them to understand the way that I am experiencing PAS or any fallout from an abortion that is unique to RA/programming survivors.
The system doesn’t care. As far as they are concerned its just another hard and traumatic experience that will assist in making you suicide sooner or die of ill health faster from stress and being traumatized. There is no one you can turn to for help, especially after in the 90s the perps made sure therapists could not openly treat survivors of mind control such as RA or programming.
In fact in my experience, the system is now fully compliant and operational to already know, keep tabs on, identify and control any and all Survivors even before they deprogram. The people around me were in on the gang stalking or they were turned after a time. I was fully isolated right from the beginning of this in early 2000’s. My psychiatrist eventually turned on me and the new people I went to help for locally in my community like psychologists were already in on it.

I realize now that only my knowing people and they experiencing me as a person they knew and liked was what helped me when I became heavily targeted- I had already been under control and targeted my whole life anyway. As a perp on a bus said once: “You really are..good”. As if they expected me to be an evil person who deserves any of this. No one does. My grandfather was a very kind man to people in his day to day personality. My mother wanted to assist people in an advocate sort of way. My grandmother actually had to sign a gag order once for being a whistleblower on a local chemical company. My aunt used to take care of me and let me live at her house.
The people I was involved in in my 20s for whatever they were involved in I didnt know about, they took care of me, they watched out for me, they kept me from knowing things that would get me killed. We cried on each other’s shoulders.
Who, involved in this, doesnt have some good in them? And who the hell is a system full of sick bastards that do MK Ultra experimentation on people to judge who is ‘good’ and who isnt? If I was all ‘good’ I wouldnt have been married to Satan as a baby. I wouldnt be vengeful. I wouldnt get annoyed with Christians after being around them for a few hours.
There is always sides to things, dualities. Good and evil perhaps in a harmonizing programming formula. Everyone was under heavy mind control during Bush and the masses still are being controlled. Black magick was used with rituals on a huge mass scale, like 9-11. What mere mortals can remain balanced and not become cannibalizing animals with forces like that at work?

Just today I have had phantom womb activity. I don’t refer to it as false pregnancy because I know I’m not. Its this randomly occurring physical sensation that there is still somebody home. That the baby is still there. You feel bloated, you actually get a mild sensation of a heart beat. For a while I kept asking about the final ultrasound- were they sure there wasn’t any ‘product of conception’ left lol. I had a bit of a daymare about giving birth to an arm or something but being from the family I come from this was met with sadistic humor and laughed at.

Yet taken seriously this is not the first time Ive been spooked out by dead bodies.
When the main predator in my family, my maternal grandfather died in May of 2001,I went to the wake. It was only the second time I had been to a wake the other one a few years earlier, a long time druggy who was notorious in the area finally died and his girl was my neighbor. Even then I marveled at how I could sense the physical energy from the corpse as it settled at the base of the physical body. That was a time of growth and discovery for me which is why the perps cut it short. I was living in a Masonic hall that was converted to low income housing. I had such access to power to grow and succeed in that location, they knew it so they stopped it.
It was then that I realized that the power or energy we have in our physical bodies is not complete who we are. There is something that’s divine or spiritual that goes away when the body is left. All of his bad deeds seemed sediment, lying in the bottom of that corpse. All of the other parts of him I knew, had left away. And I didn’t even know him that well..perhaps addicts recognize each other and I am observant.

When I saw my grandfather’s body I had to touch it to ensure he was actually dead. It seemed so unlikely. I had to investigate it to prove it to curious, emotionless side of self. The Observer, other TIs describe it as. Its something that the perps try to destroy most of all and I don’t know why. It allows one to see things very impartially.
For six months afterwards I had nightmares that his body was coming to the door of my apartment. Its one of the reasons I never could read up on Necromancy. Just the thought of utilizing dead bodies or even reading about it. And of course that weakness of mind was used against me.
Later I saw pictures of my uncle’s son who had grown facially to resemble my grandfather. It looked as if he was wearing his death mask. Once that man was dead the metaphysical things that occurred as well as seeing that face on someone else in the family let me know very clearly that he was indeed the anchor of our group. The predator in control of everyone that, once that major control goes, the gang stalking system comes after everyone in the family and tries to regain control. Things went into play like my mother seeming to actually take on whatever demonic entity he had housed. I sensed danger from her in this state I had never experienced before and I knew she was part of something that was going to try to get rid of me for good.

My only salvation was that I, like my father I assume, can sense danger ahead or not knowing both my parents, sometimes my mother’s family would seem like strangers too me and I could sense they were doing me harm or not be trusted. In families connected to RA and programming I learned that frickin’ day that there are extremely powerful energies and entities that the system of perps and handlers are in control of that they PEOPLE THEMSELVES ARE NOT AWARE OF. If I told this version to my mother I highly doubt if she would even realize what I was talking about. She always existed through this with a sort of oblivion about it that I both admired and feared because it was so…disconnected from the real world. Disconnected from life and from living. Really living. She described it as “(your kind of people) tend to see life as ‘really real’ when the rest of the world doesn’t see it that way”. How in the fuck can anyone exist on that level of being and not have to have a heavy drug habit to numb themselves from the death like state of total boredom and lack of stimulation??? Middle class levels of retail therapy would NOT suffice for me. I would need to purchase the seven wonders of the world…then probably turn around and find creative ways to have them destroyed for amusement to be satisfied with mere consumerism as a surrogate for ‘really real’ living.

Whats so frightening are people’s lack of understanding about the metaphysical energies around them or whats inside them in daily life. I know what I saw that day. It wasn’t my mother…in the form I had always known her which was somewhat evil in itself but not this fuckin’ big or evil. You would have thought that after he died, she would be able to heal or become whole as she was the main target of his sexual abuse in the family. He only tried to taking me somewhere once when I was twelve and, that intuition and my boldness got me out of it and we went to an all night coffee shop instead.
It seems that the all powerful predators in these families are mind controlled themselves. When he was driving me to this library he had keys to in Weston, MA at 1 am he had this absolutely possessed look on his face. Eyes straight ahead, with a light in them, glaring, beaming. Only when I talked my way out of this did he seem to ‘come to’ and physically shake off that possession. Its like he was driven.
Then, at that coffee shop he hung his head lower than I had ever seen a human being do and I actually felt bad for him.
There was no way that man was in control of whatever possessed him to do such things. And knowing what i do about programming and mind control, the only way that such people could be able to commit the acts they do then lead normal lives and hide from the public is if they were similar to MPD or DID. Which is why perhaps treatments dont work. Ive met other pedophiles who seem to be conscious of being interested in children but they dont act on it yet are aware of these obsessions.
My grandfather was completely void of any kind of openly perverse actions or behaviors concerning children. He was perverse in the way that a person from old New Orleans who had been in the Marines for that many years was going to be naturally. Unlike today’s soldiers who are more romanticized than viewed realstically my grandfather told me that soldiers are “..dirty, dirty dogs”.
He and the family were sick but it was always expertly manipulative. Never overt or obvious and to tell the truth he was actually a well read, sociable, interesting person with Louisiana charms and perhaps a bit too long and slow story telling about growing up on the bayou or war stories. Control is the main component of these families. Sex and abuse are only tools to that end.

This is how separate his personality was from the person I dealt with that night. This is how hidden it is in these families.
And you’ve got to wonder- was he like that before the Marines and multiple wars or was this from what happened to him there or was this something they did to him considering this is connected to the military..or a combination of his genetic bloodline and military utilization of that?

Many TIs speak of the gang stalkers parading Satanic cult children in front of them after MILABs or a stalking session from a GS group. What they are trying to do is through behavior modification, turn a victim of violence into a violent offender. If they torture you long enough, if they take away enough of your humanity, then hopefully you will become a monster too, just like whoever the main predator/handler was in your family. Then, you can be blackmailed, then you work for them. You have to become a perp yourself. Which is why its so important to not allow this to happen. Remember, Survivors are victims to begin with. We deserve healing and a new life- not more servitude to this hidden system.

For people who are RA survivors there is alot going on with physicality. Possessions, being related to people physically, having physical intimacy with people, the experiences of what goes on with bodies and death in our ritual abuse recalled memories.
Its no surprise that when an animal is hit by a car and its dying, an RA survivor will be the first one to be practical and call the authorities but will seem cold concerning death and certainly not be the one outside in the street comforting the animal.

Just as it is with an abortion. We are used to this. We have experienced the death of a baby perhaps before, how is this any differnt. Yet the pull on our physical being is something we are in tune with so strongly that sex and death and physicality can become quite destructive- this is no longer something we can pull ourselves away from. I cant dissaccociate from my own womb during a weird phantom baby is still there episode. And forget the weird sexual overdrive after an abortion. Programmed people have enough trouble handling how much energy they naturlaly have to deal with to begin with.

NOrmnal peole think we are sex addicts (lol). Which is ridiculous. If we lived out in nature or in the old days none of this would be problematic. Its your bullsht society that is so unhelathy it tells peple they dont have time to have relations in teh middle of the day. There would be less road rage and other problems if this were the case which is another reason I want to leave for EU. Americans are so childish that they still think about sex immmaturely. and its very unhelahty for the body and immune system.

The system knows that Survivors are secxually charged energy cells,. They know its more likely we will freak out, snpa or become lone shooters if they can keep the TI socially isolated, undersexed and keep manipulating that eneergy towards them using it to make uyou feel abused by tehm and the public generaly. They tap into old sexual abuse issues and do things that are basically adding onto that.
Ive self injured many times as a gang stalking target due to their use of sexual abuse and tapping int my history isntead o allowing me to heal. I never self injured before vbecoming a TI. I had self destructive behavnors but thats mroe tied into suicice programming than self injury.

If you are an RA survivor especially if you are targeted its important not to allow the horrors of PAS to follow you thru a suicide. Its actually a very high risk time for you as I know it is for me. Always I recall, there was this feeling of a hollowness or emptiness in my womb area when I was younger. This I could deal with as I know it was from something connected to RA. It was more an emptiness coming from to do with myself not an actual child that had been concieved that I know of. And I even have had strange memories of being very small in the womb and being tortured which is the most bizarre experience yet. It always comes up that my size was that of a peanut.

However, the emptiness or horror that is coming to me right after the phantom baby feeling now is deadly. Its like an order to kill yourself which of cour4se I wont do as i am too dedicated to my work and of course…to revenge if any is available.

The way women experience life isnt even represented in the societ6y we liv ein. Theres so much about us that men dont even still seemt know, who can this society acknowledge all that goes on with a pregnancy? Much less terminating that.
I think its the meeting of what the religious people like to represent as their ‘god’ that bothers RA survivors during post abortion. Its not god so much as it is the naturla forces of cause and effect.
Naturally you aernt supposed to be stikcing a vacuume in there and sucking hte fetus out. There is an entire spiritual thing going on in there that modern man does not acknowledge especially stubborn males in science. Which isnt very scientifib becuase obviousl its happening. They choose not to investigate or acknowledge, which is less reason than it is animal fear and want for dominance and power.

Too much in this world, the ape takes over and humans keep trying to hide under thier mental abilities or using the computer that is thier brains.

You are making a frickin person for f*cks sake. There has to be some presence of spirit formed somewhere as well as the energy of the human flesh does have weight. and women feeel alone in this becuz they are alone with thier wombs. This is one instance wehre other women are not useful to us to talke to. The other maker of the baby woudl have more power to help than an outsider. Women aer looking inward, to thier bodies, trying to watch whats occuring inside. Its what we do when theres a baby in there so we know what it needs or whategver. Youa re teling us to NOT loook inward to not pay attention.

I agree with the author that women need to be given alot more to help them with abortion. Once again in America we that want a balance to make humanity healthy are stuck between two stupid and opposing political views that hide tow pieces of the truth so that thier side can look like its right. When in fact, its probably something more central than either one of the opposing.

Late trimester anottyions are creepy and seem like murder. Yes, abortion is technically killing an unborn child its destroying the formatino of what will be a person. OK. Women however, are wether u like it or not, going to have the power of life and death in this manner which is really what the problem is here not death being a crime. If that were true there woudl be no wars so give it up. War is a malecentric event. Point made.

Women pay for thier actions dearly as its simple cause and effect. You cant stop nature which is extremely powerful though man tries to shield himself from it every day. Look at Fukishima. Who didnt want to admit they live in an earthquake and tsunami zone and built something as volitile and dangerous as a man made nuclear reactor there anwyay? Humans.

People may think the world has become very small due to globalism and access to the internet but there is a whole other part of ‘the world’ man is not acknowledging. If mankind does not evolve and learn about the earth as it is not the way the industrialized world percieve it to be to match his ability to reach out into it, he is going to make more deadly mistakes as he is playing in a domain he chooses to ignore or doesnt know exists.

We cannot go on as we have. The truth about t5he power of the natural world has to bome to light. Everythngin from the truth about medicine to our bodies to women’s reproductive powers to the powers of nature and its disasters as we still call them which are nothing mpre than us being in the way of something the earth does. Whcih we are too concieted to admit to.

We are very small but we percieve we aer very big on the earth. Conceptions in a women’s womb seem very smal but to her they are very big internally. Man needs to learn about the workings o fhis own mind like experincing things in dimentions. Computers are destroying human being’s ability to live, exist and percieve the natural world around him.

This view of nature being some tree huggers experience has to end. Its the science and ‘magick’ of the natural world and how it relates to us and us to our own bodies. Women will continue to suffer through childbirth and abortion as long as we stay a hidden part of society and allow men and thier selfish form of sciences to tell us what is real and what is not.

And who the hell is the doctor in the author’s experience that said to her ‘your too old to be having babies anyway”? If that were truth, her body would not be able to get pregnant. Just as girls start bleeding when they are 13 or so becuz humans arent supposed to live til 40 anyway.

Writing this has helped me immensely but I want to go to a group for my PAS. Can u see me now, in my traveler clothes, as a Targeted Survivor trying to sit in a room full of people who I can only assume at least some percentage are perps who are there to either
-mess with me
or
-collect info to assist in perps messing with me in public spaces later
?
This is why the public never hear about any of the stuff we deal with. All of the victim witnesses like me with any real credible stories who have documentation possibly available are driven insane, kept strictly isolated and discredited or murdered.
Which is why no matter what is happening to you as a Survivor you must stay alive. You must leave testimony that is credible and sounds reasonable.

I also notice that this experience is making me more mailable to their modification of me. I am more damaged and weakened and needy for a family environment which of course, they ensured they destroyed for all us homeless and travelers over the last few years by slowly making being houseless more difficult. I think OCCUPY showed them that there is a percentage of us within the homeless population who can function, and intelligent and can organize and contribute meaningfully if a safe tribe like home base is provided.

This is the very dynamic from the 60s they have been trying to destroy in this country for years by doing things like releasing the mentally ill from state hospitals into the streets, creating a crack and meth epidemic, gang activity and recruitment, the nigrification of the lower classes, the gentrification of cities where acedemic resources and art scenes are available, dumbing down education, the internet, obsession with gadgets and false status.

They must ensure there is no scene outside of the controlled environments they have created that can organize especially one that consists of people who know whats really going on or that have been burned by the NWO. Many homeless people are Targeted Individuals. Many simply live double lives to keep from being labeled crazy or going crazy.

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~ by onmc on November 18, 2013.

 
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